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Table of Contents This Page -- Click colored link:
CORE ASSESSMENT (Conflict Management Project): Parts 1-4 due week 6 - Parts 5-6 due week 6 - Rubric - What should your core assessment look like? - What are the core assessment grading criteria?
COURSE CONTENT: Discussion Questions - Grading - Journal Articles - Learning Outcomes - Lectures - Minor Assignments & Weekly Participation (General Info) - Minor Assignments & Weekly Participation (Specific Questions) - Schedule & Due Dates - Syllabus - Tests - Textbook : Assignment Weight - Be On Time - Feedback in One Week - File Names - Gradebook in eCollege - Mastery Learning - Revisions for Mastery Learning - Submitting Assignments
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Discussion Question 1 (DQ 1):
PRE-READING ASSIGNMENT 1. What are the benefits and drawbacks of engaging in conflict. 2. Make a list of what you perceive to be your strengths when managing conflict with others. What skills do you have? Next, make a list of what you perceive to be you weaknesses when managing conflict. What do you need to improve? What skills would you like to acquire? Ask three important people in your life (friend, co-worker, parent, sibling, romantic partner) to assess your strengths and weaknesses. Do not give them the list you already wrote for yourself. Note the similarities and differences in your lists and the lists of others. Write a “Plan for Improvement,” incorporating the feedback from others. Set 3-5 goals for yourself to improve during this course. 3. Describe a time when you experienced a conflict that was in some way beneficial. Discussion
Question 2 (DQ 2):
KNOWLEDGE QUESTION Discussion Question 3 (DQ 3): Peer-Reviewed Journal Article Read at least one journal article, which you can access and read through the online database Communication & Mass Media Complete. What is a key finding of the article and why is the finding important? While working on your project, you may want to include these articles with your other scholarly research. Obtain through Park U Library databases https://pegleg.park.edu/login?url=http://search.epnet.com/login.asp Bantz, C. (1993). Cultural Diversity and Group Cross-Cultural Team Research. Journal of Applied Communication Research, 21(1), 1. Brenton, A. (1993). Demystifying the Magic of Language: Critical Linguistic Case Analysis of Legitimation of Authority. Journal of Applied Communication Research, 21(3), 227.
Discussion Question 4 (DQ 4):
APPLICATION ASSIGNMENT Conflict is a tide Conflict is a dance
Conflict
is a garden 3. How might the Lens Model help you manage your conflicts. a. What did you learn? b. What might you like to do differently? c. What do you do when you are engaged in a conflict with someone who has entirely different “lenses” than you do? Discussion Question 5 (DQ5): THE BIG PICTURE OF PROGRAM GOALS The Big Picture of Program Goals Based on your study in this course so far, explain how communication is central in all aspects of personal life.
Discussion Question 1 (DQ 1):
PRE-READING ASSIGNMENT
Discussion Question 2 (DQ 2):
KNOWLEDGE QUESTION Discussion Question 3 (DQ 3): Peer-Reviewed Journal Article Read at least one journal article, which you can access and read through the online database Communication & Mass Media Complete. What is a research finding from the article that you can translate into improving your conflict management? While working on your project, you may want to include these articles with your other scholarly research. Obtain through Park U Library databases https://pegleg.park.edu/login?url=http://search.epnet.com/login.asp Christen, C. (2004). Predicting Willingness to Negotiate: The Effects of Perceived Power and Trustworthiness in a Model of Strategic Public Relations. Journal of Public Relations Research, 16(3), 243-267. Christen, C. (2005). The utility of coorientational variables as predictors of willingness to negotiate. Journalism & Mass Communication Quarterly, 82(1), 7-24.
Discussion Question 4 (DQ 4):
APPLICATION ASSIGNMENT
Part 2: Give thanks or show appreciation to a person you do not know, who is in a service position.
Part 3: Employ
several productive low power tactics with people in a work or professional
context.
Discussion Question 5 (DQ5): THE BIG PICTURE OF PROGRAM GOALS Based on your study in this course so far, explain how communication is central in all aspects of organizational life.
Discussion Question
1 (DQ 1):
PRE-READING ASSIGNMENT Withdrawing Forcing Smoothing Compromising Confronting (the Turtle) (the Shark) (the Teddy Bear (the Fox) (the Owl) Avoiding Competing Accommodating Compromising Collaborating _____ 1. _____ 2. _____ 3. _____ 4. _____ 5. _____ 6. _____ 7. _____ 8. _____ 9. _____ 10. _____ 11. _____ 12. _____ 13. _____ 14. _____ 15. _____ 16. _____ 17. _____ 18. _____ 19. _____ 20. _____ 21. _____ 22. _____ 23. _____ 24. _____ 25. _____ 26. _____ 27. _____ 28. _____ 29. _____ 30. _____ 31. _____ 32. _____ 33. _____ 34. _____ 35. _____ Total _____ Total _____ Total _____ Total _____ Total The higher the total score for each conflict strategy, the more frequently you tend to use that strategy. The lower the total score is for each conflict strategy, the less frequently you tend to use that strategy. Source: Johnson, David W. Reaching Out, Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self Actualization. 2nd ed. New York: Prentice Hall, 1981.
Discussion Questions
Discussion Question 2 (DQ 2):
KNOWLEDGE QUESTION
1. Define
styles. Discussion Question 3 (DQ 3): Peer-Reviewed Journal Article Read at least one journal article, which you can access and read through the online database Communication & Mass Media Complete. Relate a real or hypothetical example relevant to the article's research. While working on your project, you may want to include these articles with your other scholarly research. Obtain through Park U Library databases https://pegleg.park.edu/login?url=http://search.epnet.com/login.asp Gross, M., Guerrero, L., & Alberts, J. (2004). Perceptions of conflict strategies and communication competence in task-oriented Dyads. Journal of Applied Communication Research, 32(3), 249-270.
Discussion Question 4 (DQ 4):
APPLICATION ASSIGNMENT
Kilmann and Thomas Conflict Styles
LO HI
Discussion Question 5 (DQ5): THE BIG PICTURE OF PROGRAM GOALS Debate Everyone with a last name from A-M, argue in favor of this position: In a business context, people need to confront conflict situations openly. Everyone with a last name from N-Z, argue in favor of this position: In a business context, people need to use an array of approaches to conflict.
Discussion Question
1 (DQ 1):
PRE-READING ASSIGNMENT
Discussion Question 2 (DQ 2):
KNOWLEDGE QUESTION
1. Give
an illustration of systems theory regarding conflict. Discussion Question 3 (DQ 3): Peer-Reviewed Journal Article Read at least one journal article, which you can access and read through the online database Communication & Mass Media Complete. While working on your project, you may want to include these articles with your other scholarly research. Obtain through Park U Library databases https://pegleg.park.edu/login?url=http://search.epnet.com/login.asp Jameson, J. (2004). Negotiating autonomy and connection through politeness: A dialectical approach to organizational conflict management. Western Journal of Communication, 68(3), 257-277.
Discussion Question 4 (DQ 4):
APPLICATION ASSIGNMENT
Please complete both applications:
2. Using the Wilmot/Hocker Assessment Guide,
analyze the following conversation: Discussion Question 5 (DQ5): THE BIG PICTURE OF PROGRAM GOALS Debate Everyone with a last name from A-M, argue in favor of this position: In a business context, people need to confront conflict situations openly. Everyone with a last name from N-Z, argue in favor of this position: In a business context, people need to use an array of approaches to conflict.
Discussion Question 1 (DQ 1):
PRE-READING ASSIGNMENT
3. Take several deep breaths. Take that short time
to think about what you will do next.
1. What
are three usual approaches to change? Discussion Question 3 (DQ 3): Peer-Reviewed Journal Article Read at least one journal article, which you can access and read through the online database Communication & Mass Media Complete. While working on your project, you may want to include these articles with your other scholarly research. Obtain through Park U Library databases https://pegleg.park.edu/login?url=http://search.epnet.com/login.asp Myers, L., & Larson, R. (2005). Preparing Students for Early Work
Conflicts. Business Communication Quarterly, 68(3), 306-317.
Use the following scenario to help assess interests and positions when negotiating in everyday life. Make two lists—one for interests and one for positions. Scenario Larry, a 26-year-old man, and his fiancée, Joan, visit his parents for Christmas. Larry’s parents, Jack and Alice, have met Joan before and like her very much. Generally it is a positive situation all around. During dinner Jack announces, "We have a big gift for you this Christmas." He continues, "We want to entrust the business to you, Larry and Joan, and have you move to Billings and run it." Larry, gasping for air, says, "Oh, uh, thanks." Joan says, "I don't think that would work well for the two of us." Alice says, "More pie Larry?” and "Joan, would you like some more turkey?" Alice continues to fill the silence with, "Jack, what do you think about this new gravy?"
The typical patterns for each person are: · Larry generally avoids conflict and likes his parents. · Joan is younger than Larry, and wants to find meaningful work on her own. · Jack is forceful and used to people going along with his ideas. · Alice avoids conflict and deflects it when it arises between others. Questions 1. What are the different positions? Interests? 2. How might the parties perceive that their goals are incompatible? 3. How might others be perceived as interfering in the accomplishment of their goals? 4. What are some suggestions you’d make to help this family discuss the ramifications of the gift of the family business? Discussion Question 5 (DQ5): THE BIG PICTURE OF PROGRAM GOALS Consider your reading or research for this week. Discuss on concept you can use to resolve organizational issues and improve decision-making.
Discussion Question 1 (DQ 1):
PRE-READING ASSIGNMENT Discussion: Forgive and Forget? 1. A common saying in our culture is to “forgive and forget.” Do you think this is possible? Desirable? Why or why not? 2. Can anything and everything be forgiven? 3. Even if you apologize in a conflict, can you really "take something back" (words or actions)? What are the effects of this behavior on the relationship? 4. What is the relationship between apologies and forgiveness? Do you need the first to have the second? 5. What does it mean to say that forgiveness is a process? What does it mean to say that forgiveness is a decision? Compare and contrast these views. 6. Why do you suppose it’s so difficult to forgive people in our culture? Why do we have a cultural hang up that says forgiveness means the transgression is “okay?” 7. Must involved parties communicate in order for forgiveness to be effective or achieved? What, if any, limitations are posed by not talking with others (those who’ve harmed you or those you’ve harmed)? 8. What gender differences, if any, have you experienced regarding forgiveness? 9. How is forgiveness perceived and achieved in other cultures? Compare and contrast these viewpoints with U.S. culture.
Discussion Question 2 (DQ 2):
KNOWLEDGE QUESTION 1. Explain the statement, "The goal of all intervention is to transform
the conflict elements." Choose an example to illustrate the idea. Discussion Question 3 (DQ 3): Peer-Reviewed Journal Article Read at least one journal article, which you can access and read through the online database Communication & Mass Media Complete. How does the research affirm or question the principles of the textbook. While working on your project, you may want to include these articles with your other scholarly research. Obtain through Park U Library databases https://pegleg.park.edu/login?url=http://search.epnet.com/login.asp Phillips, D. (2002). Negotiating the digital closet. Information, Communication & Society, 5(3), 406.
Discussion Question 4 (DQ 4):
APPLICATION ASSIGNMENT Forgiveness: A Relational View Instructions: Prepare privately, then post a general reflection on the learning activity. Part One 1. Write a list of forgiveness you’d like to give to others or write a list of people who might want your forgiveness. (Maybe you can make a list of hurtful messages you’ve received or other harmful acts.) What do you need to do? What do you need from the others? 2. Write a list of transgressions for which you would like forgiveness. Identify steps you may need to take to receive this forgiveness. 3. Compare and contrast your lists. What do you notice? Part Two 1. Talk to at least one person on each list and explore the possibility of forgiveness. a. Identify at least two strategies from the chapter to help you achieve this objective. b. Ask the persons you talk to for their perceptions about the hurtful acts or messages. c. Ask what the other person needs from you? d. Tell the other person what you need from her or him? 2. Write a summary of these conversations. 3. What did you learn about yourself and others by completing this process? Discussion Question 5 (DQ5): THE BIG PICTURE OF PROGRAM GOALS Consider your reading or research for this week. Discuss one element where ethical decisions can be involved. Explain the ethical choice you believe is right.
Discussion Question 1 (DQ 1):
PRE-READING ASSIGNMENT What is your supervisor's or his or her supervisor/s perspective on conflict management? Have you read any information about conflict management, which was said or written by the CEO of a major corporation? If so, what did you learn? Do you think management has a different view of conflict from their employees?
Discussion Question 2 (DQ 2):
KNOWLEDGE QUESTION
1. Give an example of something that you think
demonstrates leadership by Michael Dell (founder and CEO, Dell
Computer). Discussion Question 3 (DQ 3): Peer-reviewed Journal Article Search for peer-reviewed, scholarly journal articles through the online database Communication & Mass Media Complete. Read, analyze, discuss, and apply the research-based information. Obtain through Park U Library databases https://pegleg.park.edu/login?url=http://search.epnet.com/login.asp Example: Walker, K. (2004). Activity systems and conflict resolution in an online professional communication course. Business Communication Quarterly, 67(2), 182-197.
Discussion Question 4 (DQ 4):
APPLICATION ASSIGNMENT Discussion Question 5 (DQ5): THE BIG PICTURE OF PROGRAM GOALS Given course content so far, analyze how ethical issues are framed or typically discussed (e.g., “Everybody does it,” “It’s just business” and “You gotta take care of yourself”).
Learning Outcome:
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I sincerely appreciate all your discussion participation. There are no additional weekly assignments for week 8, but Friday is final deadline for weekly assignments for second half of course. We'll leave the lights on so the last person can find the way home. With warm regards, Joan Aitken |
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UNIT WEEKLY or MINOR ASSIGNMENT DETAILS-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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UNIT 1
PRE-READING ASSIGNMENT
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1. What are the
benefits and drawbacks of engaging in conflict.
2. Make a list of what you perceive to be your strengths when managing conflict with others. What skills do you have? Next, make a list of what you perceive to be you weaknesses when managing conflict. What do you need to improve? What skills would you like to acquire? Ask three important people in your life (friend, co-worker, parent, sibling, romantic partner) to assess your strengths and weaknesses. Do not give them the list you already wrote for yourself. Note the similarities and differences in your lists and the lists of others. Write a “Plan for Improvement,” incorporating the feedback from others. Set 3-5 goals for yourself to improve during this course.
3. Describe a time when you experienced a conflict that was in some way beneficial.
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UNIT 1 What if you don't have your book yet or can't find the answer? The point is to focus on information and engage students in the unit content. You can use any quality source. The text book is just a stimulus. You could add something from the journal article you read or something you read in your own research or even discuss a quiz question you thought was interesting. If you use a reliable source, you could bring information from and Internet edu site, such as U Colorado's http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/commimp.htm or Prof. Lane's (KY) site at http://www.uky.edu/~drlane/capstone/orgcomm/
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1. Give reasons why we need to study conflict.
2. In what contexts do conflicts arise?
3. Define conflict.
4. What is the role of perception in conflict?
5. How do power and self-esteem function in conflict?
6. What is the relationship between perceived incompatible goals,
scarce resources, and interference?
7. How can you create a supportive climate?
8. What is a "good complaint"?
9. What is a spiral?
10. Give an optimistic answer to "conflict always happens;
therefore. . ."
11. What are some positive views of conflict?
12. What do conflict metaphors tell us?
13. What are some examples of win-lose metaphors?
14. What are some neutral or objective metaphors?
15. Come up with a new transformative metaphor.
16. Chart the elements of the lens model of conflict.
17. What are some persistent gender effects?
18. What does it mean to say there are gender and cultural
filters?
19. How does your culture affect how you view and do conflict?
20. Give an example you experienced that illustrates a particular
perspective on conflict.
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UNIT 1
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1. Discuss the advantages of using
metaphors for diagnosing conflicts, specifying (1) how they give you a view
of conflict dynamics and (2) how they can be used to generate unique moves
you might make in a conflict. Give one transformative metaphor for a
conflict you are in or have observed, such as the following:
Conflict
is a bargaining table
Conflict is a tide
Conflict is a dance
Conflict
is a garden
2. Using the metaphor, generate practical solutions. What are the options inside the metaphor?
3. How might the Lens Model help you manage your conflicts. a. What did you learn? b. What might you like to do differently? c. What do you do when you are engaged in a conflict with someone who has entirely different “lenses” than you do?
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UNIT 2
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Study the following conversation and answer the questions
below.
Participants: John, Jim (the Director), Laura, Karl, Keith and Celeste
Setting: Mental health center
Situation: An opening for a full-time therapist has been created by one of
the staff therapists quitting
Jim: We need to fill this position since Lee is leaving. I suggest we hire
Nikki full time. She’s done a great job as an intern, and the kids seem to
really like her. What do you think?
Keith: I agree. We should hire her.
Jim: Anyone else?
(Long silence)
John: Yeah, that’s okay with me.
Jim: Is there any discussion on this matter?
Laura: Yes. I don’t think we should hire Nikki without doing a search. She
does a good job, but we might be able to get someone even better.
Karl: I sort of feel that way, too.
Keith: I don’t think we could find anyone better. Besides, it could take
months to do it and we need the help right away, especially on the weekends.
Karl: Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we should hire just anyone.
Jim: Nikki’s not just anyone. Plus, we could lose the funding if we don’t
hire right away. I’ve talked to Nikki about it—I’m sure she’d take the
position.
Keith: And if we don’t offer it to her, I think she’ll quit completely.
Laura: Sounds like you guys have already figured it out. Why are you even
asking us if you’ve made up your mind already?
Jim: There’s no “we” here, and I didn’t already make up my mind.
Celeste: I don’t think we should act so quickly. I’m not sure Nikki is all
that committed to her work. You say the kids like her, but personally, I
think she just likes having them do what she wants. She seems like a control
freak to me. She likes having the kids like her.
Jim: What is it with you, Celeste? You always disagree with what this group
wants to do. Everyone wants this but you. I’m tired of your constant
opposition. You should listen to what we’re saying.
Celeste: What is it with me? Why do you act like we’re making a group
decision, when you already made a decision and obviously got Keith and John
to agree before talking to the rest of us?
Jim: If you can’t be a team player, then maybe it’s you who needs to start
looking for a new job.
Questions
What are the Topics (T) of this conflict?
What are the Relational (R) issues of this conflict?
What Identity (I) issues can you identify?
What are some possible Process (P) issues involved in this conflict?
How do you predict this conversation will end?
What do you think the goals are for each of the parties? How do you think
those goals might change?
What suggestions do you have for the parties in this conflict?
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UNIT 2
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1. Define
the four types of goals (TRIP).
2. How do goals shift over time.
3. How do goals overlap and influence one another?
4. When do conflict parties shift their goals?
5. Give an example of a transactive goal.
6. What are common identity themes?
7. What are the advantages of goal clarity?
8. What determines if goals are collaborative?
9. Define power.
10. Describe your own orientation to power.
11. How does power operate in a distressed system?
12. Clarify the difference between either/or power and both/and power.
13. Explain the relational theory of power.
14. What are power-dependence relations?
15. Define and give examples of power currencies.
16. What makes power difficult to assess?
17. What behaviors does feeling high power lead to?
18. List some approaches to balancing power.
19. What is metacommunication?
20. If you are low power, what can you do?
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UNIT 2
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Part 1: For the next several days, at least three times a day: Show appreciation for someone in a personal relationship with you (friend, spouse, roommate, parent, child).
“John, I really appreciate how you always pick me up on time. Thanks.”
“Sam you are just such a good friend. You know last year when I had that problem with my ex… you were always there for me.”
“Mom, you know, I’m struggling with tests right now, but I want to just say how much I appreciate your emotional and financial support for me to go to college. It will make a real difference in my life. Thanks.”
Part 2: Give thanks or show appreciation to a person you do not know, who is in a service position.
Server in a restaurant, bar or whatever
Person working in a retail store—cashier at Wal-Mart, fee collector in the registrar’s office, etc.
Custodian where you work
Part 3: Employ
several productive low power tactics with people in a work or professional
context.
· Validate the other's worth
· Direct involvement of the other person
· Use "I" statements
· Acknowledge the other's expertise and contributions
· Involve and share ownership with the other person
· Recognize the other person feels powerless too
· Expose why and how I feel powerless and what effect that has on me
· Ask what the other perceives my power is over him or her
· Try to shift the balance of power
· Build up the person
· Use the same currency the other is using
· Change the power or style I'm lacking
· Identify what I need to acquire to gain power
· Ask a high powered person what they want from me that he or she isn’t
getting
· Hold a discussion with him or her on how to make the problem better
· Persuade him or her to value your currency
· Take a look at my power--see how I understand it
· Let them know my weaknesses
· Ally with power, a trusted person
· Gain more information
· Graduate, announce escalation
· Documentation: keep track of what is being done
· Be optimistic and learn that there may be options, etc.
Part 4: Reflect on these experiences.
a. How did you empower the other person? To yourself?
b. How did you act (verbally and nonverbally) while doing this exercise?
c. What were the other persons’ responses?
d. What did you notice when you confirm others’ identities?
e. Were you able to balance power through any of these strategies?
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UNIT
3
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The proverbs listed below reflect traditional wisdom for resolving
conflicts. These can be thought of as descriptions of some of the different
strategies for resolving conflicts. Read each of the proverbs carefully.
Using the scale given below, indicate how typical each proverb is of your
actions in a conflict.
5 = Very typical of the way I act in a conflict
4 = Frequently typical of the way I act in a conflict
3 = Sometimes typical of the way I act in a conflict
2 = Seldom typical of the way I act in a conflict
1 = Never typical of the way I act in a conflict
_____ 1. It is easier to refrain than retreat from a quarrel.
_____ 2. If you cannot make a person think as you do, make him or her do as
you think.
_____ 3. Soft words win hearts.
_____ 4. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.
_____ 5. Come now and let us reason together.
_____ 6. When two quarrel, the person who keeps silent is the most
praiseworthy.
_____ 7. Might overcomes right.
_____ 8. Smooth words make smooth ways.
_____ 9. Better half a loaf than no bread at all.
_____ 10. Truth lies in knowledge, not in majority opinion.
_____ 11. He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.
_____ 12. He hath conquered well that hath made his enemies flee.
_____ 13. Kill your enemies with kindness.
_____ 14. A fair exchange brings no quarrel.
_____ 15. No person has the final answer but every person has a piece to
contribute.
_____ 16. Stay away from people who disagree with you.
_____ 17. Fields are won by those who believe in winning.
_____ 18. Kind words are worth much and cost little.
_____ 19. Tit for tat is fair play.
_____ 20. Only the person who is willing to give up his or her monopoly on
truth can
ever profit from the truths that others hold.
_____ 21. Avoid quarrelsome people as they will only make your life
miserable.
_____ 22. A person who will not flee will make others flee.
_____ 23. Soft words ensure harmony.
_____ 24. One gift for another makes good friends.
_____ 25. Bring your conflicts into the open and face them directly; only
then will the
best solution ever be discovered.
_____ 26. The best way of handling conflicts is to avoid them.
_____ 27. Put your foot down where you mean to stand.
_____ 28. Gentleness will triumph over anger.
_____ 29. Getting part of what you want is better than not getting anything
at all.
_____ 30. Frankness, honesty, and trust will move mountains.
_____ 31. There is nothing so important that you have to fight for it.
_____ 32. There are two kinds of people in the world, the winners and the
losers.
_____ 33. When one hits you with a stone, hit him or her with a piece of
cotton.
_____ 34. When both people give in halfway, a fair settlement is achieved.
_____ 35. By digging and digging, the truth is discovered.
Scoring
Add up your scores on the following questions.
Withdrawing Forcing Smoothing Compromising Confronting
(the Turtle) (the Shark) (the Teddy Bear (the Fox) (the Owl)
Avoiding Competing Accommodating Compromising Collaborating
_____ 1. _____ 2. _____ 3. _____ 4. _____ 5.
_____ 6. _____ 7. _____ 8. _____ 9. _____ 10.
_____ 11. _____ 12. _____ 13. _____ 14. _____ 15.
_____ 16. _____ 17. _____ 18. _____ 19. _____ 20.
_____ 21. _____ 22. _____ 23. _____ 24. _____ 25.
_____ 26. _____ 27. _____ 28. _____ 29. _____ 30.
_____ 31. _____ 32. _____ 33. _____ 34. _____ 35.
_____ Total _____ Total _____ Total _____ Total _____ Total
The higher the total score for each conflict strategy, the more frequently you tend to use that strategy. The lower the total score is for each conflict strategy, the less frequently you tend to use that strategy. Source: Johnson, David W. Reaching Out, Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self Actualization. 2nd ed. New York: Prentice Hall, 1981.
Discussion Questions
1. In what ways are the advantages you experience disadvantages for others?
2. When might it be problematic for you to maintain your primary conflict
style?
3. What happens when your perceptions of conflict style are challenged?
4. What does it mean to you to say that “I am a(n) ___(fill in style
here)____?
5. How are conflict styles like tools in a toolbox? What tool do you
overuse? Under-use? What happens when you use a hammer when a crow bar would
be better?
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UNIT 3
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1. Define
styles.
2. Distinguish styles from tactics.
3. Define avoidance.
4. Give an example of the twin cycles of avoidance.
5. How does avoidance function differently in diverse cultures?
6. Give examples of avoidance tactics.
7. What are the advantages and disadvantages of competitive tactics?
8. Distinguish between threats, warnings, promises, and recommendations.
9. What is verbal aggressiveness?
10. Define compromise, listing its advantages and disadvantages.
11. How does accommodation differ from avoidance?
12. What are the advantages and disadvantages of accommodation?
13. What are some cautions we should keep in mind when discussing styles?
14. Specify how styles are linked in interaction sequences.
15. What do you gain by having a flexible set of styles?
16. How can you tell if you are stuck in a style?
17. Describe rhetorically sensitive people.
18. Give an illustration of nonabusive talk.
19. Give an illustration of collaboration.
20. Give an illustration of rhetorical sensitivity.
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UNIT 3
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Kilmann and Thomas Conflict Styles
Use the grid to review this perspective on styles and fill in blanks as the
missing information.
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HI
LO |
3. 5.
4.
1. 2.
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LO HI
1. Begin by labeling the axes before identifying the styles. The
way they place the labels will determine which styles correspond with which
number.
2. Which of the types would be considered WIN/WIN styles and
which would be WIN/LOSE. Would any be considered LOSE/LOSE? Explain
why you believe one
style might produce the perception that one participant is destined to win
and the other to lose. Consider contexts in which one
style may invoke more than one sense of the conflict process.
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UNIT 4
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Complete Brief Systems Analysis (in the text)
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UNIT 4:
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1. Give
an illustration of systems theory regarding conflict.
2. Write a few sentences about a conflict which actually use descriptive
language.
3. Give an illustration of a microevent.
4. Why would you want to assess a conflict?
5. Describe system theory
6. What are the principles of system theory?
7. What are the advantages of identifying conflict patterns?
8. What are five types of system patterns that occur in marriages?
9. What are the four stages of conflict?
10. How can conflict metaphors be used to give insight into creative
approaches to a conflict?
11. Define coalitions, giving an example from your personal or work
experience.
12. What are the main principles of coalitions?
13. How can you use a coalition diagram to predict future conflicts?
14. Describe the roles of the heavy communicator and the isolate.
15. Give an example that illustrates the characteristics of a healthy
system?
16. Explain how diagramming triangles in a larger system can clarify
communication patterns.
17. Define and give an example of system rules.
18. Define and give an example of microevents.
19. How can observations and interviews be used to understand conflict?
20. Define and give an example of patterning.
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UNIT 4
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Complete both applications:
1. Application 6.3
in the text.
2. Using the Wilmot/Hocker Assessment Guide,
analyze the following conversation:
Dan: That was a blast!
Sarah: (stony silence)
Dan: (raising his voice) I SAID that was a great party!
Sarah: I BET you had a good time. I’m sure the 17 women you danced with had
a great time, too.
Dan: Oh, I get it. You’re pouting. Is that it—you’re pouting, aren’t you?
Well, at least you’re consistent, since that’s what you were doing all night
anyway.
Sarah: I had to do SOMETHING with while you’re making a complete jerk of
yourself!
Dan: Look who’s talking. You’re such a loser at parties, no wonder no one
wants to dance with you.
Sarah: I’m not a loser. I’ve told you a thousand times that parties like
that aren’t for people like me, but you never listen. I don’t like parties
because you drink too much, and I can’t stand your friends either. When
you’re with them, you make me totally miserable.
Dan: At least I have some friends. You’d have some, too, if you didn’t hang
around Christine all the time. You’re always on my case about how I screw
everything up around the house. You think I’m an idiot.
Sarah: How could you screw things up at the house—you’re never home! You’ve
been saying for six months that you’re going to clean out the garage, but
you never do. It’s either fantasy baseball all summer or hunting every
weekend in the fall.
Dan: You know why I hunt all the time? Because the animals are more fun than
you are. And they don’t go looking for fights for no good reason.
Sarah: This isn’t a fight. It’s a discussion. And I hardly went looking for
it.
Dan: Yeah, good one. And I bet you didn’t pick out that $500 worth of
clothes you’ve been hiding in the closet for the last week either?
Sarah: Whatever. Let’s just drop it. You’re drunk. I should know better than
to deal with you when you’re like this.
Dan: Now you want to drop it. You’ve been at me since we got in the car. You
brought it up—let’s talk about it. How, exactly, do you think we’re going to
pay for your little shopping spree? We haven’t paid for the last one yet.
Obviously, I’m not going to get any help from you, since you’re the
“struggling student” with no job.
Sarah: How did you know about those clothes anyway? Besides, I was going to
take them back on Monday.
Dan: Christine told me.
Sarah: WHAT!?!?!? You are such a jerk. And she’s a real piece of work, that
one, too. She’s the one who said I should buy them in the first place.
Dan: Maybe she just finds me a little more interesting than you. She
probably felt sorry for you.
Sarah: That’s it. I’m done. I’m so over this. I’m getting my own apartment.
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UNIT
5 |
Read the below list of guidelines for managing anger. Use
a real or hypothetical example from a work context to implement each of
Wilmot's suggestions.
1. Notice your anger and say to yourself or out loud, “I am angry.”
2. What might be your fear or demand?
3. Take several deep breaths. Take that short time
to think about what you will do next.
4. Think about anger in this situation–would others get angry? Do you have a
choice in your anger? What are those choices?
5. Look for the feeling underneath your anger. Begin with fear. Ask yourself
three times, “What am I afraid of here?”
6. Figure out ways to deal with that fear or other underlying feelings. Ask
yourself, “What do I really want?”
7. If you want something from the other person, ask for it instead of
blaming or accusing him.
8. Practice new behaviors:
• Listen more carefully
• Use I-messages instead of blaming or accusing
• Ask for what you want, and for more information
• Stay connected to the other person
• Continue to do “self-talk”
• Breathe deeply to stay calm
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UNIT 5
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1. What
are three usual approaches to change?
2. What does it mean to regulate conflict "from the inside out"?
3. How can you approach barriers to change in other people?
4. Explain two approaches for breaking the spiral of avoidance.
5. Explain the relationship between anger and fear.
6. Explain the "suppression" and the "expression" views of anger.
7. What are some ways to stop verbal abuse?
8. Give examples of fractionating and reframing.
9. Describe the important ideas in the conflict containment model, family
meetings, and crisis management.
10. Explain how negotiation is part of conflict resolution.
11. How does negotiation fit between avoidance and domination?
12. What effects do our cultures have on negotiation?
13. Describe the assumptions of collaborative negotiation.
14. List some collaborative communication moves.
15. What are four key elements to principled negotiation?
16. List some questions you can use to find interests.
17. What might be some multiple interests you have in a current conflict?
18. Give some examples of collaborative language.
19. How do conflicts move through competitive and collaborative phases?
20. Reproduce from memory the collaborative checklist.
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UNIT 5
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The Gift
Use the following scenario to help assess interests and positions when negotiating in everyday life. Make two lists—one for interests and one for positions.
Scenario
Larry, a 26-year-old man, and his fiancée, Joan, visit his parents for Christmas. Larry’s parents, Jack and Alice, have met Joan before and like her very much. Generally it is a positive situation all around. During dinner Jack announces, "We have a big gift for you this Christmas." He continues, "We want to entrust the business to you, Larry and Joan, and have you move to Billings and run it." Larry, gasping for air, says, "Oh, uh, thanks." Joan says, "I don't think that would work well for the two of us." Alice says, "More pie Larry?” and "Joan, would you like some more turkey?" Alice continues to fill the silence with, "Jack, what do you think about this new gravy?"
The typical patterns for each person are:
· Larry generally avoids conflict and likes his parents.
· Joan is younger than Larry, and wants to find meaningful work on her own.
· Jack is forceful and used to people going along with his ideas.
· Alice avoids conflict and deflects it when it arises between others.
Questions
1. What are the different positions? Interests?
2. How might the parties perceive that their goals are incompatible?
3. How might others be perceived as interfering in the accomplishment of their goals?
4. What are some suggestions you’d make to help this family discuss the ramifications of the gift of the family business?
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UNIT
6
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Discussion: Forgive and Forget?
1. A common saying in our culture is to “forgive and forget.” Do you think this is possible? Desirable? Why or why not?
2. Can anything and everything be forgiven?
3. Even if you apologize in a conflict, can you really "take something back" (words or actions)? What are the effects of this behavior on the relationship?
4. What is the relationship between apologies and forgiveness? Do you need the first to have the second?
5. What does it mean to say that forgiveness is a process? What does it mean to say that forgiveness is a decision? Compare and contrast these views.
6. Why do you suppose it’s so difficult to forgive people in our culture? Why do we have a cultural hang up that says forgiveness means the transgression is “okay?”
7. Must involved parties communicate in order for forgiveness to be effective or achieved? What, if any, limitations are posed by not talking with others (those who’ve harmed you or those you’ve harmed)?
8. What gender differences, if any, have you experienced regarding forgiveness?
9. How is forgiveness perceived and achieved in other cultures? Compare and contrast these viewpoints with U.S. culture.
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UNIT 6
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1. Explain the statement, "The goal of all intervention is to transform
the conflict elements." Choose an example to illustrate the idea.
2. What are the effects of siding with one of the conflict parties?
3. What are cautions to remember when you are considering being a
third-party helper?
4. What are the interpersonal advantages and disadvantages of
adjudication?
5. Explain how negotiation functions in the forms of third-party
intervention.
6. What are some principles of dispute system design?
7. Discuss some definitions of forgiveness. What are key components
of forgiveness?
8. What are differences between forgiveness and reconciliation?
9. What is the problem with the phrase "forgive and forget?"
10. Compare and contrast the ideas of "forgiveness as decision" and
"forgiveness as process," giving your own opinions based on the ideas presented.
11. In what ways is forgiveness both intrapersonal and interpersonal?
12. How do gestures function to lay the groundwork for further change?
13. What makes apologies ineffective or inappropriate?
14. What makes self-forgiveness so difficult?
15. Why is conflict prevention important?
16. What are some core values that lead to prevention of conflict? Discuss those most important to you.
17. How can avoidance spirals be prevented?
18. What can you do if you habitually avoid becoming more effective
in conflict?
19. How can escalation spirals be de-escalated or prevented?
20. Reproduce the major steps of an expanded problem-solving sequence.
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UNIT 6
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Forgiveness: A Relational View
Instructions: Prepare privately, then post a general reflection on the learning activity.
Part One
1. Write a list of forgiveness you’d like to give to others or write a list of people who might want your forgiveness. (Maybe you can make a list of hurtful messages you’ve received or other harmful acts.) What do you need to do? What do you need from the others?
2. Write a list of transgressions for which you would like forgiveness. Identify steps you may need to take to receive this forgiveness.
3. Compare and contrast your lists. What do you notice?
Part Two
1. Talk to at least one person on each list and explore the possibility of forgiveness.
a. Identify at least two strategies from the chapter to help you achieve this objective.
b. Ask the persons you talk to for their perceptions about the hurtful acts or messages.
c. Ask what the other person needs from you?
d. Tell the other person what you need from her or him?
2. Write a summary of these conversations.
3. What did you learn about yourself and others by completing this process?
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UNIT 7
|
1. Give an example of something that you think
demonstrates leadership by Michael Dell (founder and CEO, Dell
Computer).
2. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Jack Welch (former CEO, GE).
3. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Lou Gerstner (former CEO, IBM).
4. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Andy Grove (cofounder and former CEO, Intel).
5. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Bill Gates (cofounder and former CEO, Microsoft).
6. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Herb Kelleher (founder and former CEO, Southwest Airlines).
7. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Sam Walton (founder and former CEO, Wal-mart).
8. Explain the idea of the "evangelical leadership gene."
9. Give an example of articulating a vision.
10. Give an example of organizational culture you have experienced.
11. Define and give an example of authentic cultural change requires years.
12. Why might it be important to get as many people as possible inside
the company involved in satisfying customers.
13. Respond to this statement: "Change is continual. Paradox is a
way of life."
14. Why is it crucial to "Finalize your vision before you
implement any sweeping new plan."
15. How and why develop an outsider's perspective?
16. Explain this idea: "Complacency is the worst possible
mind-set. It is much better to be fearful, skeptical, sharp-edged, on
their toes."
17. Respond to this idea: "Gates leads by example, inviting anyone
in the organization to send him an email at any time. Bad news must travel
fast."
18. Why use ad hoc groups to solve problems.
19. Respond to this idea: "Be firm, have fun, enjoy people,
tolerate mistakes, take risks, and share sacrifices."
20. Why hire for attitude, not necessarily
experience?
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UNIT 1
Lecture |
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Why study conflict? |
Effective conflict management is one aspect of interpersonal therapy, a
well-researched counseling technique for dealing with depression.
People in conflict may be fearful, angry, resentful, hopeless, or stressed.
It is common and normal for partners to have conflicts or disagreements.
Couples who stay together enter conflict gently, make repairs along the way when they wound each other, avoid criticizing and blaming, and avoid criticizing each other where they know it hurts.
Common responses to abuse are hyper-vigilance, difficulty relaxing, withdrawal at the first sign of tension or conflict, floating away, or disassociating, and not knowing or expressing what one really wants.
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Conflict is a stubborn fact of organizational life. |
85% of workers reported conflicts at work, which is particularly common due to cultural diversity and gender equity issues.
Ongoing, unresolved workplace conflict also has negative effects that reach far beyond the principal parties.
Ignoring workplace conflict sets destructive forces in motion that decrease productivity, spread the conflict to others, and lead to lessened morale.
When we allow two or three different ideas to be true all at once, we are exercising first-rate intelligence.
Holding onto paradoxical thinking means you can help mediate conflict in groups, families, and the world.
We might define ourselves as being "in conflict" of varying intensities, many times a day or week.
Their conflict results from their particular communication choices.
The Chinese language the character for conflict is made up of danger and opportunity.
Welcome opportunity for change. I Chin teaches to remain clearheaded, inwardly strong, and ready to meet his or her opponent halfway.
Conflict exists whenever incompatible activities occur an action which prevents, obstructs, interferes with, injures, or in some way makes (resolution) less likely or less effective.
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Perception is at the core of all conflict analysis. |
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Conflict is present when there are joint communicative representations of it.
Parties decide whether they will act as relatively interdependent agents or relatively independent agents.
People usually engage in conflict over goals that are important to them.
No one ever says anything nice. They don't even know we're here.
Goals are perceived as incompatible because parties want (1) the same thing or (2) different things.
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Resource is any positively perceived physical, economic or social consequence. |
The scarcity, or limitation, may be apparent or actual.
Interference, or the perception of interference, is necessary to complete the conditions for conflict. Conflict is associated with blocking, and the person doing the blocking is perceived as the problem.
Being blocked and interfered with is such a disturbing experience that our first "take" is usually anger and blame. The difference in intent and impact. You do not know what other people are thinking unless you enter into honest dialogue. You don't know their intention without dialogue. You can't read minds. Conversation is the best approach.
The first moments of a conflict interaction--the critical start-up--can set the scene for a constructive or a destructive conflict.

Many times, one person will criticize to get the other person's attention.
Some people seemingly can't help adopting a devil's advocate or contrary point of view. For them, conversation is a battle of wits. They enjoy the game of "batting ideas around" and are often very good at the performance. The pursuit of mutual understanding may seem boring and unchallenging.
Men consistently stonewall more than women do.
Stonewalling is an attempt to signal withdrawal from communication while in fact, still being present in the conversation, but in a destructive way.
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Authenticity and subordination are totally incompatible. Dominant groups tend to suppress conflict, minimizing and denying its existence. |
In fact, a measure of the dominant group's success and security is often its ability to suppress conflict, to keep it hidden, unobtrusive, and unthreatening to the group's position of power. In a situation of unequal power, in which a myth of harmonious relationships is se forth, the subordinate person is put in charge of maintaining harmony.
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Escalatory spirals pervade destructive conflict. |
Escalatory spirals bring about a cascade of negative effects, self-perpetuating dynamics in which the (1) behaviors, (2) perceptions of the other, and (3) perceptions of the relationship continue to disintegrate (with each party viewing one self as not responsible for any of it).
Avoidance patterns reduce the chance for productive conflict. Patterns of avoidance also create and reflect destructive conflict interaction. Both parties then become less invested in the relationship.
Gottman studied, the destructive sequence consisted of criticizing, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Thus, avoidance can be viewed within the overall spiral of conflict as leading to eventual dissolution of a relationship.
Reciprocity of negative emotion can lead to destructive conflict. Three kinds of reciprocity can be identified in communication: (1) low-intensity emotion is responded to in kind (e.g., anger is met with anger), (2) high intensity emotion is met in kind (fury is met with fur), and (3) low intensity emotion is met with high-intensity emotion (hurt is met with rage).
Escalating negativity on the part of men can lead to violent interactions. Small request or complaints were "batted back" regardless of their merit. In a companion study of 130 nonviolent couples, 80 percent of the men who did not accept any influence from their wives ended up divorced.
Retaliation runs rampant in destructive conflicts.
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UNIT 1 Lecture
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Collaborative Group Strategies |
Have meetings to discuss issues.
Use good listening skills when someone has a concern.
Deal with people directly.
Say openly what they are feeling.
Help resolve conflict.
Regular interaction is important.
Dirty tricks such as sulking are not allowed.
Strong feelings are seen as normal and are allowed.
1. Conflict is inevitable. 2. Conflict serves the function of "brining problems to the table." 3. Conflict often helps people join together and clarify their goals. 4. Conflict can function to clear out resentments and help people understand each other. |
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Metaphors make a difference (use transformative metaphors) |
Conflict is a bargaining table.
Conflict is a tide (ebb and flow).
Conflict is a dance.
Conflict is a garden.
Conflict resolution as quilt making.
Two fundamental aspects are important in all conflicts: (1) communication behaviors and (2) the perceptions of those behaviors. We
can think of the study of conflict as a view through a lens, like the lens of a
camera, or through prescription glasses. The lens model specifies that
each person has a view of (1) oneself, (2) the other person, and (3) the
relationship.
Perceptions of an attributions about behaviors are at the heart of the conflict process.
We try to make sense out of a behavior by looking for causes.
We attribute causes of our behavior to external factors (My daughter was sick)
We attribute causes of others' behavior to internal dispositions (She wants her own way.)
Gender effects and gender filters are due to communication differences tradition.
All conflicts are about two issues: power and self-esteem.
One study shows experienced managers manifesting no gender differences in style, but "among participants without managerial experience, women rated themselves as more integrating, obliging, and compromising than did men. Women tend to see the self-in-relationship.
Useful Perceptions and Behaviors:
Interdependence rather than power over others.
Mutual empathy as the basis for understanding and communicating.
Relational self-confidence instead of separate self-esteem (autonomy)
Constructive conflict instead of domination.
Staying engaged with others while in conflict.
Valuing separate knowing and connected knowing.
Utilizing both report talk and rapport talk.
Continuing dialogue when there is disagreement.
Cultural effects and cultural filters
About 150 different languages are spoken in the US.
By 2010, 85% of those entering the workforce will be women, minorities, and immigrants.
Asian cultures often frown upon self-expression if it does not further the needs of the group.
The US generally is an individualistic culture.
Collective cultures resolve disagreements through avoidance or accommodation, resulting in considerable face saving.
Note the comparison of individualist and collectivistic cultures on page 58. Collectivistic cultures rely on inferred meaning, while individualistic cultures rely on literal meaning.
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UNIT 2 Lecture
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People in conflict pursue goals.
Topic: What does each person want?
Relational: Who are we in relationship to each other during our interaction?
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Identity or facework |
Who am I in this particular interaction? In each conflict interaction, individuals either save face or lose or damage face.
Indicators that attempts to save face are being employed:
1. Claim unjust intimidation.
2. Refuse to step back from a position.
3. Suppress conflict issues.
In productive, ongoing relationships, several kinds of communication will
help people restore their lost face or prevent further loss of face. You
can increase flexibility and problem solving if you:
1. Help others increase their sense of self-esteem.
2. Avoid giving directives.
3. Listen carefully to others and take their concerns into account.
4. Ask questions so the other person can examine his or her goals.
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When you clarify your prospective goals, you
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Retrospective goals emerge after the conflict is over. People spend a large part of their time and energy justifying decisions they have made in the past. Retrospective goals give us clarity.
Goal Clarity
1. Solutions go unrecognized if you do not know what you want.
2. Only clear goals can be shared.
3. Clear goals can be altered more easily than vague goals.
4. Clear goals are reached more often than unclear goals.
Often people create difficulty by assuming that their goals cannot be attained--that the other party will stand in their way.
Collaborative Goals
1. Short, medium, and long-range concerns are addressed.
2. Goals are behaviorally specific.
3. Statements orient toward the present and future.
4. Goals recognize interdependence.
5. Collaborative goals recognize an ongoing process.
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UNIT 2 Lecture
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Power tends to be seen as
1. designated (power given by your position)
2. distributive (either/or power) comes from your ability to achieve your
objective. A characteristic of destructive conflict is that parties start
thinking and talking about power.
3. integrative (both/and power) stress joining forces with someone else to
achieve mutually acceptable goals. Both parties have to achieve something
in the relationship. The great fallacy, especially of political thinking
in regard to power, is to elevate threat power to the position of dominance.
We each need enough power to live the life we want. We want to influence events that matter to us. We want to have our voices heard, and make a difference. We want to protect ourselves against perceived harm. We want to hold in high esteem ourselves and those we care about. We do not want to be victimized, misused, or demeaned. No one can escape feeling the effects of power--whether we have too much or too little.
Power functions on a broader basis than either/or thinking. Disputes become power struggles if the parties allow them to be defined as such. Conceptually, the alternative to framing disputes as power struggles is to place power in a position subordinate to rights and needs.
Rights & Needs
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Power
Some people are so antagonized by any discussion of power that they may deny that power and influence are appropriate topics for discussion. We often try to convince others and ourselves that control is not part of our interpersonal patterns. Reluctance to talk about power emerges as power denial
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Denying power use: |
Deny that you communicated something.
Deny that something was communicated.
Deny that you communicated something to the other
person.
Deny the situation in which it was communicated.
Excluding situations of unequal physical power and use of violence, power is a property of the social relationship rather than a quality of the individual. Power is not owned by an individual but is a product of the social relationship in which certain qualities become important and valuable to others. Power lies in the relationship of the person of his/her environment.
Power is not owned by an individual but is a product of the social relationship in which certain qualities become important and valuable to others. our dependence on another person is a function of (1) the importance of the goals the other can influence and (2) the availability of other avenues for you to accomplish what you want.
One way to reduce power others have over you is to change your goals.
Communication plays a very important role in working out interdependence. People try to persuade others that they are valuable, that they need to be connected, and that the other's needs can be met best in a constructive relationship with the person doing the persuading.
Your power currencies depend on how much your particular resources are valued by the other persons in a relationship context. Power depends on having currencies that other people need.
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1. Resource control. |
Resource control often results from attaining a formal position that brings resources to you.
Interpersonal linkages are your network of friends and supporters. People often obtain power based on whom they know and with whom they associate. Whenever you band together with another to gain some sense of strength, this coalition can be a form of power.
If you can lead a group in a decision-making process, speak persuasively, write a news release for your organization, serve as an informal mediator between people who are angry with each other, or use tact in asking for what you want, you will gain power because of your communication skills.
Expertise currencies are involved when a person has some special skill or knowledge that someone else values.
People are often unaware of their own sources of productive power, just as they do not understand their own dependence on others. Desperation and low-power tactics often arise from the feeling that one has no choice, that no power is available.
Power accrues to those departments that are most instrumental in brining in or providing resources which are highly valued by the total organization.
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People have power in the organization when they: |
are in a position to deal with important problems
have control over significant resources valued by others
are lucky or skilled enough to bring problems and resources together at the same time
are centrally connected in the work flow of the organization
are not easily replaced
have successfully used their power in the past.
Power is especially difficult to assess when influence is exercised covertly, or in hidden ways.
People who look the most powerful to outsiders often are less powerful than they appear.
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Sometimes the most powerful behavior is to appear to submit, yet resist, or act in a nonresistant way. |
Passive aggression is displayed when people feel they have a low level of power, whether they do or not, since it appears to be a safer way of expressing anger, resentment, or hostility than stating such feelings directly. Passive aggressive behaviors include the following:
Forgetting appointments, meetings, promises, and agreements.
Slipping and saying unkind things, then apologizing.
Acting out nonverbally, such as by slamming doors and banging objects, but denying that anything is wrong.
Getting confused, tearful, sarcastic, or helpless when certain topics come up.
Getting sick when you've promised to do something.
Scheduling two things at once.
Evading situations so that others are inconvenienced.
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Constant feelings of higher power can result in these consequences: |
1. A taste for power and the restless pursuit of more power as an end in itself.
2. The temptation to illegally use institutional resources as a means of self-enrichment.
3. False feedback concerning self-worth and the development of new values designed to protect power.
The devaluing of the less powerful and the avoidance of close social contact with them.
Powerless can corrupt. It is the person who feels powerless who turns to the last resort--giving up, aggression, or violence. Too much losing does not build character; it builds frustration, aggression, or apathy.
In severe, repetitive conflicts, both parties feel low power, and they continually make moves to increase their power at the other's expense.
Lower-power parties will sometimes destroy a relationship as the ultimate move to bring about a balance of power.
Collaboration and the constructive realignment of power is usually best for all concerned, with the following conditions:
The high power person is not abusing power.
One person is not lying.
The long-term gains are worth the effort.
Competitive power has its place and is useful when crucial needs of one party are at stake. Competition can lead to collaboration.
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Power always is in a state of change. |
The more you struggle against someone, the less power you will have with that person. Power against is usually eventually blocked and diminished. Power over human beings is very complex. Other human beings can answer back, fight back, obey or disobey, argue and try to exercise influence as well, so we might as well cooperate with each other so we can both be effective. The both/and perspectives well as the power to the partnership perspective assumes that you all want to accomplish your goals and that you need each other to do that. Since it is the other who is blocking you (and you blocking him or her), integrative power moves beyond the tug-of-war and to a new plane of relationship.
In productive communication, you stop directly interfering with each other and actively assist the other in getting what he or she wants, and the communication between you serves a transcendent function. With cooperation you actually create more power than the two of you could have created separately. Shared power is not a weak, tentative approach--it is powerful and energetic, and it requires great skill.
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Collaboration is almost always possible. |
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Approaches to balancing power: |
1. Restraint. Higher-power parties can limit their power by refusing
to use all the currencies they have at their disposal.
2. Focus on interdependence; Power to the unit. Higher power
individuals usually try to minimize interdependence; therefore, lower-power
individuals need to point out how the conflict parties are more related than it
might appear. Power in enduring relationships is not finite.--it is an
expandable commodity. The focus shouldn't be the singular amount of power
each one has but the balance of power between them. later, as each
develops more power, the other's power rises approximately equally. The
absolute amount of power may change, but the crucial issue is the comparative
dependence that people have on each other.
3. Power of calm persistence. Lower power people in a conflict often
can gain more equal power by persisting in their requests. Change results
from careful thinking and from planning for small, manageable moves based on a
solid understanding of the problem. Sometimes only calm, clear persistence
increases an individual 's power enough for him or her to be heard and dealt
with.
Identify the individuals on the phone by name and ask for them when you call back.
Stay pleasant and calm. State clearly what you want, and ask for help in solving the problem.
Follow the rules even if you think they are ridiculous.
Write simple, clear memos summarizing what you want, what you have done, and when you expect a response.
Tell them all the steps you took to try to get a response from them.
Avoid taking out your frustration on low-power individuals in the organization.
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4. Stay actively engaged. People who perceive themselves as powerless usually do not talk effectively about their own needs and, after a while, may adopt a self-defeating, accommodating style that becomes fixed. When one person believes that the other person can go elsewhere for whatever is needed, tie lower-power person tends to avoid conflict. |
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People in low power positions should adopt the
following moves:
a. Speak up and present a balanced picture of strengths as well as weaknesses.
b. Make clear what one's beliefs, values, and priorities are, and then
keep one's behavior congruent with these.
c. Stay emotionally connected to significant others even when things get
intense.
d. State differences, and allow others to do the same.
5. Empowerment of lower power people by high power people. Sometimes it is clearly to the advantage of higher-power groups or individuals to purposely enhance the power of lower-power groups or individuals. Without this restructuring of power, working or intimate relationships may end or rigidify into bitter, silent, passive aggressive, and unsatisfactory entanglements. Currencies valued b y higher-power people can be developed by lower power people if they are allowed more training, more decision-making power, or more freedom.
6. Metacommunication --talk about the communication.
7. Things to say when you are low power.
Validating or acknowledging the other.
Using "I" statements.
Asking the higher power person what he or she needs.
Letting them know what they can gain from helping you.
Announcing all intended escalation and looking for a way out.
Expressing optimism.
Balance is the key to success. To be effective people, we need to maximize our abilities, take advantage of opportunities, and use resources at our disposal so we can lead the kind of lives we desire. Yet within the confines of an ongoing relationship, maximization of individual power is counterproductive for both the higher power and lower power parties.
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UNIT 3 Lecture
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Style preferences develop over a person's lifetime based on a complicated blend of genetics, life experiences, family background, and personal philosophy. Developing a repertoire of diverse styles and tactics may require some stretching of your comfort zone.
Conflict styles are patterned responses, or clusters of behavior, that people use in conflict. Tactics are individual moves people make to carry out their general approach. Scholars suggest there are between 2 and 5 conflict styles. Kilmann and Thomas define 5 styles within two dimensions: assertiveness and cooperativeness. Be sure to complete the "Measuring Your Conflict Style" and post an interpretation of your score.
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Avoidance |
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Avoidance of conflict often leads to a cycle that is self-perpetuating.
The twin cycles of avoidance are (a) avoidance leading to more avoidance and (2) avoidance leading to escalation and back to avoidance. As you sit on things longer, the chances you will bring them up reduce.
Cycle 1 avoid-avoid and cycle 2 avoid-escalate-avoid are self-reinforcing patterns in which one becomes more and more convinced that it is impossible to work out issues. Predictions about a partner's potential aggression "chill" your expression of your feelings. Anticipating aggressive reactions leads to withholding grievances in personal relationships. Avoidance is designed to protect the self and other from discord, yet the avoidance may lead to lack of clarity, set the stage for later uncontrollable conflict, and lead back to even more avoidance. Avoidance serves as a defense against engagement, or confrontation, with the partners. Spouses who practice avoidance within a bond of mutual affection often describe their marriage as happy. If the relationship is not important to you, avoidance can conserve energy that would be expended needlessly.
Avoidance as a style is characterized by denial of the conflict, changing and avoiding topics, being noncommittal, and joking rather than dealing with the conflict at hand. Advantages are time to think. It is useful it the issue is trivial or if other important issues demand one's attention. Okay if relationship itself is unimportant. Can keep one from harm. Disadvantages are that it tends to demonstrate to other people that one does not "care enough to confront" them and gives the impression that one cannot change. It allows conflict to simmer and heat up unnecessarily. Keeps one from working through a conflict and reinforces the notion that conflict is terrible and best avoided. It allows partners to each follow his or her own course and pretend there is no mutual influence when, in fact, each influences the other. Preserves the conflict and sets the stage for a later explosion. Studies show that a lot of avoidance tends to result in health problems and affects well-being.
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In collectivist cultures, avoidance represents "indirect working through," but in individualistic cultures, avoidance represents "indirect escalation." In the avoid/criticize loop, you avoid brining up and issue to someone directly but spend a lot of time talking about them to others. The avoid/criticize loop is quite common in professional circles and the business world. It allows one to spout off and actively talk about others, but not join with them face to face and solve the problem.
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If you see conflict as about one-third your own fault, one-third the other's faculty, and one-third caused by the interaction created between you, then the avoid/criticize loop can't possibly be viewed as productive. |
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If you spend all your energy criticizing, you expend negative energy, possible gather people to be on your side, and still stay in avoidance. When you criticize others, it looks like you are engaging in the conflict. But you are not. Criticism to someone else is only another feature of avoidance--you aren't making a direct request to the only person who can help you. What you do is poison the well, ruin another's reputation (and maybe your own), or spread negative energy. Often avoidance takes the form of what Brockriede termed "seduction," which Sillars would classify as a combination of joking, evasive remarks, and topic avoidance. The low-power person using seduction tries to charm or trick the other conflict party into going along with what he or she desires.
Avoidance tactics include: denial, evasive remarks, topic shifts, topic avoidance, noncommittal statements, noncommittal questions, abstract remarks, procedural remarks, friendly joking. Postponement as a tactic works best when several conditions are present. First of all, the emotional content of the conflict needs to be acknowledged while other issues are deferred to a later time.
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Competitive |
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A competitive, or "power over," style is characterized by aggressive and uncooperative behavior--pursuing your own concerns at the expense of another. Competitive tactics can be employed in an assertive rather than an aggressive manner. Usually, however, aggression creeps into a competitive style. The assertive person can be competitive without berating, ridiculing, or damaging the other. The competitive style of managing conflict is productive if one competes to accomplish individual goals without destroying the other person. Advantages are that it is useful when a quick, decisive action is needed. Can generate creative ideas. Best performance or ideas are rewarded. Commitment to the issue is clear. Disadvantages: Can harm the relationship because of the focus on external goals. Can be harmful if one party is unable or unwilling to deal with conflict in a head-on manner. Conflict waged competitively can encourage one party to go underground and use covert means to make the other pay. Competition tends to reduce all conflicts to two options--for or against me, winning or losing. Competitiveness can be a sign of strength or commitment. Competitive tactics: personal criticism, rejection, hostile imperatives, hostile jokes, hostile questions, attributing thoughts, feelings, motivations or behaviors to the partner that the partner does not acknowledge, denial of responsibility. A threat is credible only if (1) the source is in a position to administer the punishment, (2) the source appears willing to invoke the punishment, and (3) the punishment is something to be avoided. Threats can be constructive or destructive. |
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Verbal aggressiveness |
Verbal aggressiveness include
attacks the self concept or character, ridicule, profanity. Verbal
aggression is closely associated with physical abuse. Bully is "ongoing,
persistent badgering, harassment and psychological terrorizing that demoralizes,
dehumanizes and isolates those targeted.' The ultimate competitive tactic
is physical violence. Tenets of violence:
1. Physical aggression is almost always preceded by verbal aggression.
2. Intimate violence is usually reciprocal.
3. Women and children suffer many ore injuries.
4. Victims of abuse are in a no-win situation.
5. Perpetrators and victims have discrepant narratives about violence.

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Abusive Talk |
Nonabusive Talk |
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vague language |
precise language |
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opposition |
collaboration |
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relational talk |
content talk |
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despair |
optimism |
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interfering with interdependence |
facilitating interdependence |
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complaints |
compliments |
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ineffective change |
effective change |
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Compromise |
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Compromise is an intermediate style resulting in some gains and some losses for each party. Compromise is not collaboration. When compromising, parties give up some important goals to gain others. Compromise is dependent on shared power because if the other party is perceived as powerless, no compelling reason to compromise exists. While North American norms, especially in public life, encourage compromising, the style is not often the first choice in personal relationships. Advantages are that it takes less time, reinforces a power balance, a backup method when other styles fail, appears reasonable. Disadvantages are that it's a formula solution, always seems to be a form of "loss," and true compromise requires each side giving something in order to get an agreement. |
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Accommodation |
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Accommodation does not assert individual needs and prefers a cooperative and harmonizing approach. The individual sets aside his or her concerns in favor of pleasing the other people involved. One may gladly yield or do so grudgingly and bitterly. Compromise tactics include: appeal to fairness, suggest a trade-off, maximize wins/minimize losses, offer a quick, short-term solution. Advantages: If an issue is important to one person and not to the other, the latter can give a little to gain a lot. Accommodation can prevent one party from harming the other. If harmony or maintenance of the relationship is currently the most crucial goal, allows the relationship without overt conflict. Disadvantages: can foster an undertone of competitiveness. People can one-up others by showing how eminently reasonable they are. If partners overuse accommodation, their commitment to the relationship is never tested. Accommodation can further one person's lack of power. It may signal to that person that the other is not invested enough in the conflict to struggle through. Commonly used, although people may not even be aware of it, often a patterned response. Tactics: giving up/giving in, disengagement, denial of needs, expression of desire for harmony. |
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Collaboration |
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Collaboration demands the most constructive engagement of any of the conflict styles. Shows a high level of concern for one's own goals, the goals of others, the successful solution of the problem, and the enhancement of the relationship. Involves not a moderate level of concern for goals but a high level of concern for them Invitational rhetoric that invites the other's perspective so that two you can reach a resolution that honors you both. Collaboration is a struggle with the other to find mutually agreeable solutions. Parties engage at an explorative, problem-solving level rather than avoiding or destroying each other. Collaboration results in high joint benefit for the bargainers and provides a constructive response to the conflict. Collaborative styles in a variety of contexts result in better decisions and greater satisfaction with partners. Cooperative styles allow conflict parties to find mutually agreeable solutions, whether the conflict occurs in an intimate or work situation. Advantages: Works well when one wants to find an integrative solution that will satisfy both parties. Generates new ideas. Shows respect. Gains commitment to the solution for both parties. Because collaborative incorporates the feelings of the concerned parties, they both feel that the solutions are reality based. Collaboration is a high-energy style that fits people in long-term, committed relationships, whether personal or professional. Collaboration actively affirms the importance of relationship and content goals and thus builds a team or partnership approach to conflict management. When collaboration works, it prevents one from using destructive means such as violence. It demonstrates to the parties that conflict can be productive. Disadvantage is time and energy needed. Collaborative tactics: analytic remarks, descriptive statements, disclosing statements, qualifying statements, solicitation of disclosure, solicitation of criticism, supportive remarks, concessions, acceptance of responsibility. |
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Cautions about Styles |
On is always influenced by others, and should be, when striving for
cooperative goals. Look for ways to reframe what has happened and for more
constructive options. People most often see themselves as trying to solve the
problem but see others as using controlling or aggressive styles.
1. We tend to see ourselves as positives and others as negative.
2. Research demonstrates mixed results--some studies show
differences between the genders and some show no differences.
3. Reporting bias is the underreporting of the amount of avoidance
people actually use.
4. Measures are not process oriented.
5. Measures give the impression of consistency across settings,
relationships, and time.
6. One's style of conflict is assumed to be a clear reflection of an
underlying motivation--a stable personality trait.

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Interaction Dynamics |
We decide our tactics based on the other person because of relational variables. Complementary patterns are tactics or styles that are different from one another but mutually reinforcing. Symmetrical sequences occur in conflicts when the participants' tactics mirror one another--both parties escalating.
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People often get "frozen" into a conflict style rather than developing style
flexibility. Each time they are in a conflict, they make the same choices. Problems with rigidity:
1. Does your current conflict response feel like the only natural one?
2. Does your conflict style remain constant across a number of conflicts
that have similar characteristics?
3. Do you have a set of responses that follow a preset pattern?
4. Do others seem to do the same thing with you?
5. Do you carry a label that is affectionately or not so affectionately
used to describe you?
Rhetorical sensitivity is the idea that people change their communication style based on the demands of different situations.
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UNIT 4 Lecture
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Conflicts often appear confusing, especially when you are a participant in them, and when feelings are running high.
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Systems Theory: An Organizing Framework |
Full assessment of a conflict can best be accomplished by:
1. assessing the working of the overall system
2. determining recurring patterns inside the system that are associated
with conflict
3. identifying individual contributions to the overall system.
General systems theory tells us about the workings of entire systems and subsystems in organizations, small groups, and families. If you tag someone with the "fault" label, you have not managed the conflict; you have only created an enemy. Key concepts of systems thinking include: wholeness, organization, and patterning.
1. Conflict in systems occurs in chain reactions. People cannot
be identified as villains, heroes, good and bad people, or healthy and
unhealthy members.
2. Each member gets labeled, or programmed, into a specific role in
the system.
3. Cooperation is necessary among system members to keep conflicts going. Change your own behavior, even if you cannot get others to
change.
4. Triangles tend to form in systems when relationships are close
and intense.
5. Systems develop rules for conflict that are followed even if they
work poorly.
6. The conflict serves the system in some way.
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All conflicts follow patterns, predictable actions of communication
and response. Often the structure of the conflict is only expressed
indirectly or implicitly so that assessment approaches cannot be constructed by
asking the parties, so you may use inductive approaches:
1. Identify specific system patterns.
2. Use metaphoric/dramatic analysis.
3. Draw coalitions.
4. Chart conflict triangles.
5. Identify system rules: rules used in this context means the
underlying communication structure of the interaction.
6. List microevents: Microevents are repetitive communication
patterns that carry information about the underlying conflict structure. These repetitive loops of observable interpersonal behaviors have a redundant
outcome.
7. Make observations: As you try to understand complicated
conflicts, remember to observe what happens--who says what, in what order, about
what topics, and with what kind of nonverbal communication.
8. Conduct interviews.
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System Patterns |
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Each communication system has an identity that is more than the sum of the
individual players. System-wide styles have not been widely researched. Conflict can be occurring in the system because the participants disagree about
the type of system they want. Various system patterns can be functional or
not, depending on the needs of the situation.
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Drawing Coalitions |
Conflicts are created, reinforced, and best managed by focusing on the
communication patterns within the system. A coalition is formed by more
communication with some people, compared to others. When two people are
"coalesced," they orient to one another, share more information, and feel closer
than to others. When people feel excluded, they call the other people's
coalitions "cliques."
1. Coalitions begin for good reasons.
2. Coalitions and counter-coalitions become self-justifying.
3. Coalitions become the problem.
4. Clarify coalitions by drawing them.
5. Coalitions predict future conflict. Heavy communicators--those
who are central to passing and receiving messages from members--typically (1)
resist being moved out of that central role and (2) at the same time complain
about the "overwork," or effort involved in keeping the system happy. Those
close to the authority and power complain about the isolates, or less central
people, "not doing their job." Those who do not have the ear of the
authority and are more peripheral will describe the "treatment" they get as
negative and unwarranted.
6. Change a system by softening the coalitions. In a healthy system,
everyone can talk with everyone else.
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UNIT 5 LECTURE |
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Approaches to Change |
1. Try to change the other party, usually highly unsuccessful.
2. Try to alter the conflict conditions. If you can increase scarce
resources, alter the nature of a problematic interdependence, change perceptions
of incompatible goals, or make some other alteration in the conflict elements,
you will be able to change a conflict.
3. Change your own communication and/or perceptions: The humility
option. Change what you do and what you think about the other will quickly
and profoundly affect the conflict elements in the relationship. Unilaterally change your own communication without a quid pro quo expectation. You change before the other person changes.
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Personal Changes and Choices |
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Very small changes can produce enormous effects. You make the change. |
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What if the other person won't cooperate? You can decide to disengage, if you have the option to do so. You can appeal to a higher authority.
Zone of Effectiveness
Low productivity occurs when interpersonal conflicts are not identified or
openly expressed to the other party. At the other extreme, with few restraints
on conflict expression, a runaway destructive conflict spiral damages all.
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Advantages of Moderated Conflict: |
1. Alters the escalatory conflict spiral and halts destructive behavior.
2. Allows for self-discovery: When you use restraint, you have the time to explore sources of power you can use and to consider your own needs and
goals for the particular conflict.
3. Allows for more creative conflict management options than either party
could generate singly; each individual is induced into innovation.
4. Prevents you from taking actions that you would later regret or have to
justify.
5. Makes productive use of energy that was previously being diverted into
frustration.
6. Allows trust to build when trust has broken down.
Avoidance can lead to a downward spiral of avoidance or escalation. Failure to take action keeps you stuck.
You feel that the other "wouldn't like it" or is so fragile he or she would fall apart if you brought up the issue.
You feel that you don't have the "right" to bring up the issue or engage the other.
You feel that you lack the skills to deal with the conflict.
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UNIT 5 LECTURE
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We negotiate to make decisions that are acceptable to everyone concerned. Human services administrators spend 26% of their time negotiating.
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Negotiation is the active phase of conflict resolution when people generate many options. |
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Negotiation presumes the following:
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Each culture designates areas that are off-limits to negotiation and areas in which negotiation is acceptable.
When we have the power, we all too often use it to take shortcuts to get what we want. We exercise such control not only to help or protect others, or out of genuine need, but out of "fear, insecurity, vengeance, vanity, habit, self-will, boredom, and laziness.
Persons using dominance often escalate the cycle by not listening to the needs of others, numbing themselves to injustice, focusing only on their own needs and tasks, making light of others' needs, trivializing and minimizing the needs of others, and blaming the victim.
Argument is "reason giving" trying to convince others of your side of the issue.
Interpersonal argument, done properly, may in fact be the heart and soul of modern-day interpersonal problem solving and conflict management.
In constructive conflicts, arguments focus on levels of discourse what will move the conflict toward resolution.
Competitive negotiators assume that the conflict is win/lose.
The distributive bargainer is not concerned about a future relationship with the other party and is trying to maximize gain and minimize loss.
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Disadvantages to a competitive approach:
Has a strong bias toward confrontation.
Works against responsiveness and openness to opponent.
Encourages brinkmanship.
Increases difficulty in predicting responses of opponent.
Contributes to an overestimation of the payoffs of competitive actions.
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Negotiation requires ongoing back and forth use of reflective listening and assertion skills by one or both parties. |
Assumes that the parties have both (1) diverse interests and (2) common interests and that the negotiation process can result in both parties' gaining something.
One of the assumptions of collaborative, or integrative, negotiation is that polar opposites are not necessarily in conflict.
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Assumptions. Collaborative model of negotiation: |
The negotiating world is controlled by enlightened self-interest.
Common interests are valued and sought.
Interdependence is recognized and enhanced.
Limited resources do exist, but they can usually be expanded through cooperation.
The resource distribution system is integrative (joint) in nature.
The goal is a mutually agreeable solution that is fair to all parties and efficient for the community.
Expanding the pie encourages collaborative outcomes. Expanding the resources alters the structure of the conflict.
Logrolling is when one offers to "trade off" issues that are the top priority for the other. Cost cutting minimizes the other's costs for going along with you. Bridging invents new options to meet the other side's needs.
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Disadvantages of collaborative approaches:
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Procedures that should be used throughout constructive conflict resolution (Principles negotiation) |
Separate the people from the problem.
Focus on interests, not positions. Understanding the difference between positions and interests is the central aspect of the principles negotiation approach.
Parties have multiple interests.
In conflict situations, we usually
misread the other's interests.
In disputes, relational and identity interests are always present, often under the surface.
3. Generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do.

4. Insist that the result be based on some objective standard.
As long as predetermined goals benefiting the self are pursued, the underlying assumptions:
Self-interest
Competitiveness
Rationality
An individualistic focus
The exchange model
These underlying assumptions limit the transformative potential of negotiation. The transformative approach to negotiation rests on
Community concerns.
Cooperativeness
Subjectivity.
Intuition.
Emotion.
Competitive and Collaborative Phases
Most inexperienced bargainers automatically assume a competitive stance regarding negotiations since they believe that "toughness" can only be achieved through competitive tactics.
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UNIT 6 LECTURE
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Advantages of Using Competent Third Parties |
Many conflicts require the use of a competent third party who does not have a vested interest in a specific outcome. The goal of all intervention is to assist in a transformation of the conflict elements.
Change the expression of conflict.
Alter the degree of interdependence between the parties.
Change their perceptions or their goals so they are no seen as incompatible.
Balance the power.
Modify the actual or perceived scarcity of resources.
Adjust the actual or perceived interference by the opposing parties.
Avoid taking sides. Refusing to take sides can result in your readiness to be an effective change agent.
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The Formal Intervention Continuum |
When someone has been trained in a specific third-party roe, and when that person is specifically requested to perform conflict resolution or reduction or reduction procedures, we refer to the process as formal intervention. Paid third parties: Counseling, mediation, legal interventions, or organizational consultation.
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ADR = Alternative Dispute Resolution Procedures Alternatives to litigation in which a third party other than a judge or jury is asked to resolve a dispute. |
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Adjudication: Judge or Jury Decides |
Adjudication is a process in which parties present their case before a judge or jury. Adjudication as a form of conflict management has a number of positive features. In the case of abused or neglected children, a state agency can bring the parents before a court to determine their suitability for continued parenting. The children's representative, a guardian ad litem, acts as their agent.
A second positive feature of adjudication is that it provides rules for fairness, such as the admission of evidence.
Third, the use of professionals to speak for the conflict parties is an advantage for parties who need assistance in preparation or presentation of their case.
Disadvantages of Judicial System:
It has been overused and, as a consequence, is overburdened and misused.
Conflict parties no longer make their own decisions.
The adversarial system operates on a win/lose set of conflict assumptions tat encourages escalation tactics.
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Arbitration: An Expert Decides |
When the parties contractually agree to arbitration, the arbitrated judgment is enforceable in court. This process is called finding arbitration; the judgment is final. Voluntary, or nonbinding, arbitration is sometimes used when the parties will not agree to binding arbitration. In arbitration, both parties enter into arbitration voluntarily. It keeps one party from using passive aggressive or impasse tactics on the other--sooner or later the issue WILL be resolved. In many case, the arbitrator has special training in the content area of the dispute, such as in contract arbitration.
Arbitration does have some limitations. It tends to resolve conflicts solely on a content basis. It does not address the relational or face-saving aspects of the dispute.
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When the Parties Decide through Mediation |
Mediators help the parties negotiate so they can reach agreement. The mediator is a neutral party who does not try to push the parties to a specific decision. The process assumes that conflict is inevitable and resolvable.
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Advantages
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Limitations:
Not all conflict parties will agree to work through their conflict with the "enemy."
Mediation may not be appropriate for certain types of relationships.
When one person has been abused, she may not be able to speak up with enough authority in mediation to generate options, argue for her perspective, and avoid being manipulated.
For some disputes, involvement in mediation is not worth the effort.
Peer mediation: These programs train students, teachers, and administrators in constructive conflict resolution, teach mediation skills to peer mediators, and provide mediators for disputes ranging from playground difficulties to teacher-student problems.
Family mediation is not a replacement for the legal process but an adjunct to it.
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Mediation allows the parties to address the issue in a confidential way. |
Mediation steps:
Entry
Diagnosis
Negotiation
Agreements
Follow-up
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Dispute Systems Design |
Focus on interests.
Build in "loop-back" procedures that encourage definitions to return to negotiation.
Provide low-cost rights and power backup procedures.
Build in consultation before, feedback after.
Arrange procedures in a low-to-high-cost sequence.
Provide the motivation, skills, and resources necessary to make the procedures work.
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UNIT 6 LECTURE
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Forgiveness and Reconciliation |
Sometimes our best efforts to prevent conflict or engage in it constructively fail and we are left feeling betrayed, deceived, embittered, or isolated.
Forgiveness often follows an effort, more or less determined, to alter the terms of a relationship that has become the source of disappointment, hurt, frustration, or harm.
Faulkner: Forgiveness is giving up the idea of a better past.
Interpersonal forgiveness can be seen as the decision to reduce negative thoughts, affect, and behavior, such as blame and anger, toward an offender or hurtful situation, and to begin to gain better understanding of the offense and the offender.
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Forgiveness is giving up rage, the desire for vengeance, and a grudge toward those who have inflicted grievous harm on you, your loved ones, or groups with whom you identify. |
It also implies willingness to accept the other into one's moral community so that he or she is entitled to care and justice.
Forgiveness acknowledges the truth about what happened and the consequences that followed. Forgiveness doe not excuse or condone the behavior or actions of another.
Forgiveness is not indifferent about justice. It might very well hold someone to account, seek restitution or a form or reparation while releasing the resentment that often accompanies a protracted conflict or violation.
Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness.
Forgiveness requires an act of imagination because it invites us to consider a future that is not merely a reaction to the past. Forgiveness requires movement.
Forgiveness is a process undertaken by one person in relation to another, with or without interaction with that person. Reconciliation is a process of reestablishing relationship, renewing trust, settling differences so that cooperation and a sense of harmony are restored.
Sometimes people in positions of greater authority or power expect those with less power to forgive because this release of another in the form of forgiveness preserves the imbalance of power.
Forgiveness, if chosen, should never obligate a person.
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Memory is absolutely essential to the forgiveness process. |
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Forgiveness is a decision and process. The process can include the uncovering phase, the decision phase, the work phase, and the outcome phase. Possible acts: The offended party recognizes the offender's shame and/or regret. A ceremonial act follows in which both parties recognize that a decision to forgive has taken place.
Avoid getting stuck. If we do not get caught in this eddy of resentment and revenge, we may get caught in an eddy of depression and withdrawal. See the eddies as resting places, have a keen sense of timing, and watch for a person's own motivation to return to the flow of life.
Seeing forgiveness as an internal process helps a person recover that lost sense of autonomy. We may proceed without waiting on subsequent action, communication, or acknowledgment from the person who caused the injury. We cease to be the prisoner of someone else's actions. We reclaim ourselves as the active center of our own choices. The fact of our interrelatedness requires that we pay attention to the interpersonal dimension of forgiveness.
People who have been harmed by others are more willing to renegotiate a relationship when they know the following three things:
that there is essential agreement as to the nature of the violation
that the other person d the hurt and pain that the violation caused
that the offending person will make an apology for the hurt and pain that the violation caused.
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Gifts and Gestures |
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The willingness to physically present becomes a sign that a wound is beginning to mend. |
We may visit someone who caused us harm, attend their musical performance, graduation, wedding, or thesis defense. Very often a touch signals the shift away from resentment, putting a hand on someone's shoulder, for example. Historically speaking, a handshake is such a gesture. It signals that the open hand does not contain a weapon. A small gift is a highly communicative act--presenting a vase of flowers, offering a glass of water, sending a humorous cartoon or sketch, offering a ticket to a concern may communicate at least as effectively as words that something has been released and that the door is open.
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Do I really understand what hurt or offended the other person?
Am I conscious of what I did?
Do I intend to change so that the injury or transgression won't be repeated? Am I prepared to make some kind of restitution if that is requested?
Do I mean what I say?
Is the apology for me, the other person, or the relationship?
Can I apologize without also adding justification for my actions?
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Receiving Forgiveness and Forgiving Oneself |
It also can be very hard to receive it after we have done the harm. Accepting forgiveness requires that we shift our attention from the fear of retribution or guilt over something we have done wrong to the possibility of freedom from this fear.
A person hoping to receive forgiveness must wait for the gift of forgiveness to come from the person who has been harmed.
Self-forgiveness presents some major challenges.
Forgiving oneself can be particularly difficult because it first requires that we reconcile two different images of ourselves: the person we think we are and the person who caused someone harm. As long as we withhold forgiveness from ourselves, then we can't possibly be the person who did this deed. To accept forgiveness, whether from someone else or from oneself, is a form of admission that , yes, we are both these people--the one who finds such actions abhorrent and the one who did them. Self-forgiveness requires that we see these two selves clearly and help them recognize and accept each other, extending compassion to each until the self becomes less divided. We must be willing to extend empathy and compassion to ourselves from self-punishing tendencies, without denying accountability.
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Reconciliation: A Late Stage in the Journey |
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Reconciliation is the process of repairing a relationship so that the reengagement, trust, and cooperation become possible after a transgression or violation. When it is safe, reconciliation is about the spanning of the chasms between people. It is about the bridges that people build, one stone at a time, sometimes from one side, occasionally from both. Shriver asserts that the cable is woven of four strands: truth, forbearance, empathy, and a commitment to remain in a relationship because of our essential interdependence.
1. Truth.
Nothing obstructs the effort to repair a relationship as much as the experience
of having your own sense of truth denied.
2. Forbearance
To forbear means to refrain from revenge or punishment after someone has hurt us
or transgressed against us. Resentment enacted is revenge, then is
self-defeating.
3. Empathy
Empathy is rooted in the realization that the one who hurt us is at least human
and needs our kindness.
4. Commitment to the Relationship out of Awareness
of Our Interdependence
Commitment may be hardest to understand, yet it is the most crucial. A sense of
how what happens to one affects the rest places responsibility on us to work
things out with one another.

http://www.allposters.com
We subjugate the memory of past harm to the hope of a new future. In the
face of conflict or injury, we see our mutual vulnerability, our inevitable
interdependence, and the need for compassion so all of us may transcend the
injuries of the past.
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UNIT 6 LECTURE
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Prevention of conflict presents a paradoxical task. Conflict is normal, but we need to prevent destructive, time-wasting, relationship-harming conflict. |
Core values that underlie constructive and peaceful conflict resolution include: kindness, compassion, and respect for others, avoid distancing and objectifying people.
Learn from history.

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To prevent destructive avoidance when working with avoiders:
Put them at ease. Use a calm voice, friendly ad open nonverbal actions.
Provide safety. I won't raise my voice or interrupt you.
Change the mode of communication. If using emails, talk face to face.
Frame the conversation as relationship-building. "I have a suggestion for how you could help our relationship." or "Our project needs some help. Would you be willing to talk with me about our. . . ?"
For de-escalating spirals:
Set and keep ground rules for interaction.
Limit the issues instead of expanding them.
Look for ways to reframe the other's behavior in positive ways.
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Meta-communicate about the spiral; that is, "this isn't working for me, but I do want to work it out. We can do better, and I'd like to try." |
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A Protocol at Work |

Schedule talks--don't spring the on unsuspecting people.
Talk about tough topics in private, one-on-one with the person involved.
Be direct and specific, leaving no room for doubt.
Use all the skills of respect and kindness.
Assume the best, not the worst.
Only use humor when appropriate and when the other person seems up for it.
Offer to actively help solve the problem.
Thank the person for the talk.
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Expanded Problem Solving |
Identify the problem (not the problem person).
Determine the causes and stressors.
Clarify everyone's perceptions of the problem and stressors.
Identify shared goals, needs, hopes, and desired outcomes.
Generate as many options as possible without editing at this stage.
Reduce the number of options.
Choose the best solution(s).
Develop "doables" or stepping stones to specific actions.
Decide how to implement the solutions, the timeline, and the evaluation needed.
Make clear agreements that benefit everyone.

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Communication |
Gather information or advice from others.
Initiate a conversation as opposed to avoiding it.
Approach the other party as soon as possible without brooding.
Employ a calm, cooperative style of communication, using an information tone while listening.
Treat the other party fairly and with respect.
Maintain the privacy of the conversation.
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UNIT 7 LECTURE Michael Dell (founder and CEO, Dell
Computer) |
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Chapter 1: The Exceptional Seven and the Traits that Defined Them |
The criteria for inclusion in the book consisted of three deciding factors:
1. Each CEO led a company that was
a market leader and/or that outperformed its peers.
2. Each of the CEOs leadership strategies stood the test of time.
3. Each of the CEOs contributed to the body of management knowledge.
Traits
1. Instill an "outside-in" perspective into the company.
Sam Walton once said, "Every time Wal-Mart spends one dollar foolishly, it comes out of our customers' pockets." "There is only one boss. The customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else."
3. Have an "evangelical leadership gene."
Evangelical leadership is characterized by ardent or crusading enthusiasm, being
zealous, a leader who arouses fervent popular devotion and enthusiasm. The
evangelical trait has little to do with personal magnetism and everything to do
with devotion or commitment to a cause or idea. Gerstner was intensely
focused on restoring an outside-in perspective. When the company gets into
trouble somewhere down the road--and it happens to almost every company sooner
or later--evangelical leadership once again becomes important to the success of
the organization. One cannot be tentative. One has to be on the
lunatic fringe.
Welch said that the best leaders are those who can articulate a vision and get others to execute it. His four Es of leadership: energy, energize, edge, and execute. You have to pretend you're 100% sure. You have to take action; you can't hesitate or hedge your bets. Anything less will condemn your actions to failure.
4. Understand the critical
role of culture, and how difficult it is to bring about meaningful cultural
change.
Authentic cultural change requires years, not months. The most important
role of managers is to create an environment in which people are passionately
dedicated to winning in the marketplace. Fear plays a major role in creating and
maintaining such passion. Kellcher thought it crucial that employees have fun on
the job, and he fostered a culture that encouraged good humor.
We tend to be very self-critical, and we look for what we can fix and what we can improve, and we do it fast." (Dell)
5. Adapt "Next generation" products, processes, or solutions.
Vision--the ability to anticipate emerging and future needs and to create products, services, and new technologies capable of satisfying those needs.
6. Implement the best ideas, regardless of their origin.
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Glean the best ideas from any source. |
The trouble comes when you stop searching outside the company for answers because you think you already have the answers. Learn from competitors. You can learn from anyone, particularly the competitor across the street. Learning from competitors not only was fair, but was the job of every GE employee. Spread good thinking around the company.
7. Advance the leadership body of knowledge in some meaningful fashion.
Make all employees knowledge workers. People make the difference. Love learning. There is a great power in informality. Create a meritocracy in which the best ("A" players) excel and thrive. He saw that business is all about building the intellect of the organization.. Drucker once declared leadership to be "mundane, unromantic, and boring." I think that every one of the seven leaders in this book would disagree with Drucker on this point.
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Michael Dell Chapter 2 |
Place the customer at the epicenter of the business model. Dell's direct model of "mass customization" was forged through a "bottom-up" strategy based on customers' needs and preferences. The lesson is clear. Managers hoping to create successful brands cannot do it by imposing their own views (or, worse, the management committee's views!) on the marketplace. Somehow, someway, there needs to be a mechanism in place whereby the company learns to make the products that its target customers actually want.
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Spend more time with customers. |
Invite key customers in to speak to key units.
Use the Internet and other nonintermediated means to create an ongoing customer relationship. (two-way)
The company does best when it passes at least a significant percentage of savings on to consumers.
Get as many people as possible inside the company involved in satisfying customers.
Complete business units organized around different customer types, each with its own sales, service finance, IT, technical support, and manufacturing pieces.
Use a small-company mind-set. Get them to move faster, respond more quickly, and anticipate customer needs more effectively.
Don't forget about the potential customer.
When meeting with customers, make sure to use the time wisely by getting specific feedback about their needs and preferences.
Plan on conducting at least one customer survey each year.
Create a plan incorporating ideas for increasing customer involvement.
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Jack Welch Chapter 3: Create an authentic learning organization. |
Create a boundary-less learning culture: someone, somewhere, has a better idea. Learn it and put it into action fast.
Welch achieved consistency.
Create a learning culture. Soak up good ideas from everywhere. Continuously learn. Translate learning into action. It is a badge of honor to learn from someone else. Constantly challenge everything you have. In a learning organization, employees are given access to critical information and are expected to seek out creative solutions to problems. The company and managers don't have all the answers. The hero is the one with the ideas. We celebrate ideas. We put them online. Remove roadblocks to productivity.
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Ideas and intellect rule. |
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Set a definitive strategic direction, and make sure that the vision is articulated throughout the organization.
Make sure that there is a stated set of values to guide the company.
Change is continual. Paradox is a way of life. Passion for customers. Every person, every idea counts. Workers make suggestions to the bosses on how to improve processes and other important work flow issues, and managers had to say "yes," "no," or "I'll get back to you within this specific period of time."
Make speed, flexibility, and innovation a reflex.
Importing the best ideas should be a process.
To make sure that learning and intellect are shared throughout the organization, management needs to hold regularly scheduled meetings, reviews, training sessions, courses.
The high-involvement learning culture is "social architecture."
****Eliminate unnecessary layers of management, needless approvals, and anything else that slows the company down.
Roadblocks:
Bloated bureaucracy.
The past.
Getting the sequence wrong. The organization needs to be stable enough to
focus on the task at hand instead of absorbed with fixing the problems plaguing
the corporation.
A learning organization may require years, not months, to implement.
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Lou Gerstner Chapter 4 Focus on solutions |
Apply tourniquets before planning the future.
use every part of the company when you are rethinking corporate strategy or making other far-reaching changes.
Ask the customers where the company went wrong.
Finalize your vision before you implement any sweeping new plan.
Gerstner boldly decided that he would transform the culture "around three key attributes: marketplace obsession, speed, and teamwork."
Turn to an outsider for help.
Transform the prevailing mind-set from selling products to providing solutions.
Work on changing the culture before implementing any major new strategic initiative. If that isn't possible, then work on culture and strategy simultaneously.
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Invest in the future. Be a trend spotter. |
If applicable, write down five to seven solution oriented products that your company can cerate within the next 3 years.
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Andy Grove, Intel Chapter 5 Prepare the organization for drastic change. |
Develop an outsider's perspective.
Never insulate the company so much that it cannot believe in its own undoing. Instill a healthy amount of skepticism.
The difference between ordinary change and a strategic inflection point (SIP) is the magnitude of the potential effect on the business. 10x change--the change is 10 times that of the changes that the business has been accustomed to.
Complacency is the worst possible mind-set. It is much better to be fearful, skeptical, sharp-edged, on their toes.
Act before the vitality of the business has been sapped by the 10x forces affecting it.
If members of the management team--including you--feel that they are out of touch with what is really going on out there, this is a clue that things out there may be changing at a faster rate than you anticipated.
Encourage rigorous discussion and debate. Only by thrashing out the possible implications of what appears to be a strategic inflection point--a debate that should involve different managers at several levels--can an organization determine whether it is truly facing a 10x change.
You may need to discount the data and put more faith in your instincts, since strategic inflection points are mostly about the future, which in all likelihood is not yet measurable.
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Let chaos reign: Experiment early and often. |
The dilemma is that you can't suddenly start experimenting when you realize you're in trouble unless you've been experimenting all along.
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Bill Gates, Microsoft Chapter 6 Harness the Intellect of every employee. |
Gates views the Web as an information-sharing tool that can help turn every employee into a knowledge worker.
A digital nervous system is about creating a faster, more decisive organization.
Bottom-up strategic initiative would have been impossible in a company with an inflexible hierarchy.
Consider hosting company retreats to focus on key initiatives and to help the management correct its course.
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Gates leads by example, inviting anyone in the organization to send him an email at any time. Bad news must travel fast. |
It's the middle managers and employees, says Gates, who need accurate data the most, since they're the ones who are doing so much of the work. Gates urges companies to abandon their habit of hoarding information, and instead to teach their employees how to interpret, analyze, and act on that information.
There is a great deal of inefficiency in sharing information, particularly between companies.
Encourage any employee or customer to contact you directly via email.
Another key is ensuring that a company retains, and can quickly retrieve, the information that it accumulates. The corporate memory should be available on line, and access anything within seconds.
Make sure that it takes no more than 60 seconds to retrieve any document or file.
Make sure that your managers know that your goal is to create a knowledge-based organization in which the vast majority of essential information is available online.
Get in the habit of sending out companywide emails on a regular basis, keeping everyone informed on important initiatives. Make it clear that you welcome feedback and suggestions (both good news and, especially bad news) from everyone employee, regardless of level and location.
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Herb Kelleher, Southwest Airlines Chapter 7 Create a performance-drive culture. |
Kelleher asked every employee to find a way to save the company just $5 a day.
Hire people because of their attitude. Everyone needs these traits:
cheerfulness, optimism, decision-making ability, team spirit, communication,
self-confidence, and self-starter skills.
If you're an altruistic, outgoing person who likes to serve others and enjoys working with a team, we want you.
Make a list of the traits that are most important to you and your organization, and make sure that candidates measure up in terms of those characteristics before making them a job office.
Profit is a by-product of service.
When asked if he feels that the issue of culture is often overlooked in times of stress, Kelleher responded with a resounding yes.
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He pays employees above-average, but officers below average. |
Maximum of four layers of management between the CEO and front-line supervisors. Push responsibility down into the field as much as possible.
Focus upon the world of competitors, customers, and societal changes rather than upon an inside general office world, sometimes composed primarily to slavish devotion to forms, protocols and procedures.
Use ad hoc groups to solve problems.
Set deadlines on decision making--within two weeks.
Value ideas on their merits, rather than on the status, relationship, or credentials of those who submit them, and invite everyone to submit those ideas directly to the top (there is none--just us).
Give management personnel problems to solve in areas other than those of direct responsibility and give employees the opportunity to learn others' jobs; learning, empathy, and unit are most often the results.
Be firm, have fun, enjoy people, tolerate mistakes, take risks, and share sacrifices.
Have a customer (internal and external) representative at your highest office level who is kept informed of all deliberations and proposals on all subjects affecting your internal and external customers.
Honor excellence in spirit as well as performance.
Title and position are unimportant, leadership qualities are all-important.
If you are not on fire about what you're doing, why you're doing it, and the people who do it with you, then you can't kindle their minds, hearts, and devotion to a cause.
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Sam Walton, Wal-Mart, Chapter 8 Learn from competitors, but remain faithful to the vision. |
Assume that there is something you can learn from even your worst competitors.
"I think my constant fiddling and meddling with the status quo may have been one of my biggest contributions. . . . . I have always been driven to buck the system, to innovate, to take things beyond where they've been. . . . I have always been a maverick who enjoys shaking things up and creating a little anarchy." Walton
Consider giving some of your best people new and unexpected assignments or challenges.
Walton had obsession, patience, courage.
Once you have the formula for your industry, work on improving it.
He bought unusual items and sold them by the carload.
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The faster people got information, the faster they would use it. By making goods cheap and available, Wal-Mart has raised the standard of living of average Americans.
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Allocate a certain amount of time each and every week to study what your competitors are doing, as well as study any other business that might yield good ideas.
Hire for attitude, not necessarily experience
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UNIT 8 LECTURE |
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Where do we go from here?
The content of this course has the power to change your life. Knowing
research-tested principles is not enough, however, because we must be able to
apply the information. In order to provide closure to your learning
process, you will want to contemplate how you will use the information as you
review the concepts studied so far. This page contains ideas presented
throughout the course. While there is no intent to "cover" everything,
hopefully some key topics will help trigger your memory and creativity. At
this point, you will want to make sure you are able to synthesize information
together and apply new skills to potential conflict situations in your personal
and professional life.
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Why study conflict?
Effective conflict management is one aspect of interpersonal therapy, a well-researched counseling technique for dealing with depression.
People in conflict may be fearful, angry, resentful, hopeless, or stressed.
It is common and normal for partners to have conflicts or disagreements.
Couples who stay together enter conflict gently, make repairs along the way when they wound each other, avoid criticizing and blaming, and avoid criticizing each other where they know it hurts.
Common responses to abuse are hyper-vigilance, difficulty relaxing, withdrawal at the first sign of tension or conflict, floating away, or disassociating, and not knowing or expressing what one really wants.
85% of workers reported conflicts at work, which is particularly common due to cultural diversity and gender equity issues.
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The scarcity, or limitation, may be apparent or actual. Interference, or the perception of interference, is necessary to complete the conditions for conflict. Conflict is associated with blocking, and the person doing the blocking is perceived as the problem. Being blocked and interfered with is such a disturbing experience that our first "take" is usually anger and blame. Escalatory spirals bring about a cascade of negative effects, self-perpetuating dynamics in which the (1) behaviors, (2) perceptions of the other, and (3) perceptions of the relationship continue to disintegrate (with each party viewing one self as not responsible for any of it).
Avoidance patterns reduce the chance for productive conflict. Patterns of avoidance also create and reflect destructive conflict interaction. Both parties then become less invested in the relationship. Gottman studied, the destructive sequence consisted of criticizing, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Thus, avoidance can be viewed within the overall spiral of conflict as leading to eventual dissolution of a relationship.
1. Conflict is inevitable. 2. Conflict serves the function of "brining problems to the table." 3. Conflict often helps people join together and clarify their goals. 4. Conflict can function to clear out resentments and help people understand each other. |
All conflicts are about two issues: power and self-esteem.
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Identity or facework |
Indicators that attempts to save face are being employed:
1. Claim unjust intimidation.
2. Refuse to step back from a position.
3. Suppress conflict issues.
In productive, ongoing relationships, several kinds of communication will
help people restore their lost face or prevent further loss of face. You
can increase flexibility and problem solving if you:
1. Help others increase their sense of self-esteem.
2. Avoid giving directives.
3. Listen carefully to others and take their concerns into account.
4. Ask questions so the other person can examine his or her goals.
Passive aggression is displayed when people feel they have a low level of power, whether they do or not, since it appears to be a safer way of expressing anger, resentment, or hostility than stating such feelings directly. Passive aggressive behaviors include the following:
Forgetting appointments, meetings, promises, and agreements.
Slipping and saying unkind things, then apologizing.
Acting out nonverbally, such as by slamming doors and banging objects, but denying that anything is wrong.
Getting confused, tearful, sarcastic, or helpless when certain topics come up.
Getting sick when you've promised to do something.
Scheduling two things at once.
Evading situations so that others are inconvenienced.
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Power always is in a state of change. |
The more you struggle against someone, the less power you will have with that person.
In productive communication, you stop directly interfering with each other and actively assist the other in getting what he or she wants, and the communication between you serves a transcendent function. With cooperation you actually create more power than the two of you could have created separately. Shared power is not a weak, tentative approach--it is powerful and energetic, and it requires great skill.
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Collaboration is almost always possible. |
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Approaches to balancing power: |
1. Restraint. Higher-power parties can limit their power by refusing
to use all the currencies they have at their disposal.
2. Focus on interdependence; Power to the unit. Higher power
individuals usually try to minimize interdependence; therefore, lower-power
individuals need to point out how the conflict parties are more related than it
might appear. Power in enduring relationships is not finite.--it is an
expandable commodity. The focus shouldn't be the singular amount of power
each one has but the balance of power between them. later, as each
develops more power, the other's power rises approximately equally. The
absolute amount of power may change, but the crucial issue is the comparative
dependence that people have on each other.
3. Power of calm persistence. Lower power people in a conflict often
can gain more equal power by persisting in their requests. Change results
from careful thinking and from planning for small, manageable moves based on a
solid understanding of the problem. Sometimes only calm, clear persistence
increases an individual 's power enough for him or her to be heard and dealt
with.
Identify the individuals on the phone by name and ask for them when you call back.
Stay pleasant and calm. State clearly what you want, and ask for help in solving the problem.
Follow the rules even if you think they are ridiculous.
Write simple, clear memos summarizing what you want, what you have done, and when you expect a response.
Tell them all the steps you took to try to get a response from them.
Avoid taking out your frustration on low-power individuals in the organization.
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4. Stay actively engaged. People who perceive themselves as powerless usually do not talk effectively about their own needs and, after a while, may adopt a self-defeating, accommodating style that becomes fixed. When one person believes that the other person can go elsewhere for whatever is needed, tie lower-power person tends to avoid conflict. |
5. Empowerment of lower power people by high power people. Sometimes it is clearly to the advantage of higher-power groups or individuals to purposely enhance the power of lower-power groups or individuals. W
6. Metacommunication --talk about the communication.
7. Things to say when you are low power.
Validating or acknowledging the other.
Using "I" statements.
Asking the higher power person what he or she needs.
Letting them know what they can gain from helping you.
Announcing all intended escalation and looking for a way out.
Expressing optimism.
Conflict styles are patterned responses, or clusters of behavior, that people use in conflict.
Avoidance of conflict often leads to a cycle that is self-perpetuating.
A competitive, or "power over," style is characterized by aggressive and uncooperative behavior--pursuing your own concerns at the expense of another. Competitive tactics can be employed in an assertive rather than an aggressive manner.
Compromise is an intermediate style resulting in some gains and some losses for each party. Compromise is not collaboration. When compromising, parties give up some important goals to gain others.
Accommodation does not assert individual needs and prefers a cooperative and harmonizing approach. The individual sets aside his or her concerns in favor of pleasing the other people involved. One may gladly yield or do so grudgingly and bitterly.
Collaboration
demands the most constructive engagement of any of the conflict styles. Shows a high level of concern for one's own goals, the goals of others, the
successful solution of the problem, and the enhancement of the relationship. Involves not a moderate level of concern for goals but a high level of concern
for them I
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Abusive Talk |
Nonabusive Talk |
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vague language |
precise language |
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opposition |
collaboration |
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relational talk |
content talk |
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despair |
optimism |
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interfering with interdependence |
facilitating interdependence |
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complaints |
compliments |
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ineffective change |
effective change |
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All conflicts follow patterns, predictable actions of communication
and response. Often the structure of the conflict is only expressed
indirectly or implicitly so that assessment approaches cannot be constructed by
asking the parties, so you may use inductive approaches:
1. Identify specific system patterns.
2. Use metaphoric/dramatic analysis.
3. Draw coalitions.
4. Chart conflict triangles.
5. Identify system rules: rules used in this context means the
underlying communication structure of the interaction.
6. List microevents: Microevents are repetitive communication
patterns that carry information about the underlying conflict structure. These repetitive loops of observable interpersonal behaviors have a redundant
outcome.
7. Make observations: As you try to understand complicated
conflicts, remember to observe what happens--who says what, in what order, about
what topics, and with what kind of nonverbal communication.
8. Conduct interviews.
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Approaches to Change |
1. Try to change the other party, usually highly unsuccessful.
2. Try to alter the conflict conditions. If you can increase scarce
resources, alter the nature of a problematic interdependence, change perceptions
of incompatible goals, or make some other alteration in the conflict elements,
you will be able to change a conflict.
3. Change your own communication and/or perceptions: The humility
option. Change what you do and what you think about the other will quickly
and profoundly affect the conflict elements in the relationship. Unilaterally change your own communication without a quid pro quo expectation. You change before the other person changes.
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Negotiation is the active phase of conflict resolution when people generate many options. |
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Negotiation presumes the following:
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Procedures that should be used throughout constructive conflict resolution (Principles negotiation) |
1. Separate the people from the problem.
2. Focus on interests, not positions. Understanding the difference between positions and interests is the central aspect of the principles negotiation approach.
3. Generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do.
4. Insist that the result be based on some objective standard.
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Advantages of Using Competent Third Parties |
Many conflicts require the use of a competent third party who does not have a vested interest in a specific outcome. The goal of all intervention is to assist in a transformation of the conflict elements.
Change the expression of conflict.
Alter the degree of interdependence between the parties.
Change their perceptions or their goals so they are no seen as incompatible.
Balance the power.
Modify the actual or perceived scarcity of resources.
Adjust the actual or perceived interference by the opposing parties.
Avoid taking sides. Refusing to take sides can result in your readiness to be an effective change agent.
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Arbitration: An Expert Decides |
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When the Parties Decide through Mediation |
Mediators help the parties negotiate so they can reach agreement. The mediator is a neutral party who does not try to push the parties to a specific decision. The process assumes that conflict is inevitable and resolvable.

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Advantages
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Mediation steps:
Entry
Diagnosis
Negotiation
Agreements
Follow-up
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Forgiveness and Reconciliation |
Faulkner: Forgiveness is giving up the idea of a better past.
Interpersonal forgiveness can be seen as the decision to reduce negative thoughts, affect, and behavior, such as blame and anger, toward an offender or hurtful situation, and to begin to gain better understanding of the offense and the offender. It also implies willingness to accept the other into one's moral community so that he or she is entitled to care and justice. Forgiveness acknowledges the truth about what happened and the consequences that followed. Forgiveness does not excuse or condone the behavior or actions of another.
Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness.
Forgiveness requires an act of imagination because it invites us to consider a future that is not merely a reaction to the past. Forgiveness requires movement.
Forgiveness is a process undertaken by one person in relation to another, with or without interaction with that person. Reconciliation is a process of reestablishing relationship, renewing trust, settling differences so that cooperation and a sense of harmony are restored.
Sometimes people in positions of greater authority or power expect those with less power to forgive because this release of another in the form of forgiveness preserves the imbalance of power.
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The willingness to physically present becomes a sign that a wound is beginning to mend. |
We may visit someone who caused us harm, attend their musical performance, graduation, wedding, or thesis defense. Very often a touch signals the shift away from resentment, putting a hand on someone's shoulder, for example. Historically speaking, a handshake is such a gesture. It signals that the open hand does not contain a weapon. A small gift is a highly communicative act--presenting a vase of flowers, offering a glass of water, sending a humorous cartoon or sketch, offering a ticket to a concern may communicate at least as effectively as words that something has been released and that the door is open.
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Do I really understand what hurt or offended the other person?
Am I conscious of what I did?
Do I intend to change so that the injury or transgression won't be repeated? Am I prepared to make some kind of restitution if that is requested?
Do I mean what I say?
Is the apology for me, the other person, or the relationship?
Can I apologize without also adding justification for my actions?
Forgiving oneself can be particularly difficult because it first requires that we reconcile two different images of ourselves: the person we think we are and the person who caused someone harm. As long as we withhold forgiveness from ourselves, then we can't possibly be the person who did this deed. To accept forgiveness, whether from someone else or from oneself, is a form of admission that , yes, we are both these people--the one who finds such actions abhorrent and the one who did them. Self-forgiveness requires that we see these two selves clearly and help them recognize and accept each other, extending compassion to each until the self becomes less divided. We must be willing to extend empathy and compassion to ourselves from self-punishing tendencies, without denying accountability.
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Reconciliation |
Reconciliation is the process of repairing a relationship so that the reengagement, trust, and cooperation become possible after a transgression or violation. When it is safe, reconciliation is about the spanning of the chasms between people. It is about the bridges that people build, one stone at a time, sometimes from one side, occasionally from both. Shriver asserts that the cable is woven of four strands: truth, forbearance, empathy, and a commitment to remain in a relationship because of our essential interdependence.
1. Truth.
2. Forbearance
3. Empathy
4. Commitment to the Relationship out of Awareness of Our Interdependence
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Prevention of conflict presents a paradoxical task. Conflict is normal, but we need to prevent destructive, time-wasting, relationship-harming conflict. |
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To prevent destructive avoidance when working with avoiders:
Put them at ease. Use a calm voice, friendly and open nonverbal actions.
Provide safety. I won't raise my voice or interrupt you.
Change the mode of communication. If using emails, talk face to face.
Frame the conversation as relationship-building. "I have a suggestion for how you could help our relationship." or "Our project needs some help. Would you be willing to talk with me about our. . . ?"
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A Protocol at Work |
Schedule talks--don't spring the on unsuspecting people.
Talk about tough topics in private, one-on-one with the person involved.
Be direct and specific, leaving no room for doubt.
Use all the skills of respect and kindness.
Assume the best, not the worst.
Only use humor when appropriate and when the other person seems up for it.
Offer to actively help solve the problem.
Thank the person for the talk.
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Expanded Problem Solving |
Identify the problem (not the problem person).
Determine the causes and stressors.
Clarify everyone's perceptions of the problem and stressors.
Identify shared goals, needs, hopes, and desired outcomes.
Generate as many options as possible without editing at this stage.
Reduce the number of options.
Choose the best solution(s).
Develop "doables" or stepping stones to specific actions.
Decide how to implement the solutions, the timeline, and the evaluation needed.
Make clear agreements that benefit everyone.
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Gather information or advice from others.
Initiate a conversation as opposed to avoiding it.
Approach the other party as soon as possible without brooding.
Employ a calm, cooperative style of communication, using an information tone while listening.
Treat the other party fairly and with respect.
Maintain the privacy of the conversation.
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-----Course preparation and all visuals from Microsoft Front Page. http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/FX010858021033.aspx ----- Course materials quoted or closely adapted from Wilmot, W. W., & Hocker, J. L. (2007). Interpersonal conflict. (7th ed.) New York: McGraw-Hill. -----
SELF CHECK-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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UNIT 1 Nature and Perspectives of Conflict
Quoted or closely
adapted from Wilmot & Hocker (2007).1. Give reasons why we need to study conflict.
2. In what contexts do conflicts arise?
3. Define conflict.
4. What is the role of perception in conflict?
5. How do power and self-esteem function in conflict?
6. What is the relationship between perceived incompatible goals,
scarce resources, and interference?
7. How can you create a supportive climate?
8. What is a "good complaint"?
9. What is a spiral?
10. Give an optimistic answer to "conflict always happens;
therefore. . ."
11. What are some positive views of conflict?
12. What do conflict metaphors tell us?
13. What are some examples of win-lose metaphors?
14. What are some neutral or objective metaphors?
15. Come up with a new transformative metaphor.
16. Chart the elements of the lens model of conflict.
17. What are some persistent gender effects?
18. What does it mean to say there are gender and cultural
filters?
19. How does your culture affect how you view and do conflict?
20. Give an example you experienced that illustrates a particular
perspective on conflict.
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UNIT 2 Interests, Goals, and Power
Quoted or closely adapted from
Wilmot & Hocker (2007).
1. Define
the four types of goals (TRIP).
2. How do goals shift over time.
3. How do goals overlap and influence one another?
4. When do conflict parties shift their goals?
5. Give an example of a transactive goal.
6. What are common identity themes?
7. What are the advantages of goal clarity?
8. What determines if goals are collaborative?
9. Define power.
10. Describe your own orientation to power.
11. How does power operate in a distressed system?
12. Clarify the difference between either/or power and both/and power.
13. Explain the relational theory of power.
14. What are power-dependence relations?
15. Define and give examples of power currencies.
16. What makes power difficult to assess?
17. What behaviors does feeling high power lead to?
18. List some approaches to balancing power.
19. What is metacommunication?
20. If you are low power, what can you do?
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UNIT
3
Styles and Tactics
Quoted or closely adapted from
Wilmot & Hocker (2007).
1. Define
styles.
2. Distinguish styles from tactics.
3. Define avoidance.
4. Give an example of the twin cycles of avoidance.
5. How does avoidance function differently in diverse cultures?
6. Give examples of avoidance tactics.
7. What are the advantages and disadvantages of competitive tactics?
8. Distinguish between threats, warnings, promises, and recommendations.
9. What is verbal aggressiveness?
10. Define compromise, listing its advantages and disadvantages.
11. How does accommodation differ from avoidance?
12. What are the advantages and disadvantages of accommodation?
13. What are some cautions we should keep in mind when discussing styles?
14. Specify how styles are linked in interaction sequences.
15. What do you gain by having a flexible set of styles?
16. How can you tell if you are stuck in a style?
17. Describe rhetorically sensitive people.
18. Give an illustration of nonabusive talk.
19. Give an illustration of collaboration.
20. Give an illustration of rhetorical sensitivity.
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UNIT 4
Assessing Conflict
Quoted or closely adapted from
Wilmot & Hocker (2007).
1. Give
an illustration of systems theory regarding conflict.
2. Write a few sentences about a conflict which actually use descriptive
language.
3. Give an illustration of a microevent.
4. Why would you want to assess a conflict?
5. Describe system theory
6. What are the principles of system theory?
7. What are the advantages of identifying conflict patterns?
8. What are five types of system patterns that occur in marriages?
9. What are the four stages of conflict?
10. How can conflict metaphors be used to give insight into creative
approaches to a conflict?
11. Define coalitions, giving an example from your personal or work
experience.
12. What are the main principles of coalitions?
13. How can you use a coalition diagram to predict future conflicts?
14. Describe the roles of the heavy communicator and the isolate.
15. Give an example that illustrates the characteristics of a healthy
system?
16. Explain how diagramming triangles in a larger system can clarify
communication patterns.
17. Define and give an example of system rules.
18. Define and give an example of microevents.
19. How can observations and interviews be used to understand conflict?
20. Define and give an example of patterning.
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UNIT
5
Moderating and Negotiating
Quoted or closely adapted from
Wilmot & Hocker (2007).
1. What
are three usual approaches to change?
2. What does it mean to regulate conflict "from the inside out"?
3. How can you approach barriers to change in other people?
4. Explain two approaches for breaking the spiral of avoidance.
5. Explain the relationship between anger and fear.
6. Explain the "suppression" and the "expression" views of anger.
7. What are some ways to stop verbal abuse?
8. Give examples of fractionating and reframing.
9. Describe the important ideas in the conflict containment model, family
meetings, and crisis management.
10. Explain how negotiation is part of conflict resolution.
11. How does negotiation fit between avoidance and domination?
12. What effects do our cultures have on negotiation?
13. Describe the assumptions of collaborative negotiation.
14. List some collaborative communication moves.
15. What are four key elements to principled negotiation?
16. List some questions you can use to find interests.
17. What might be some multiple interests you have in a current conflict?
18. Give some examples of collaborative language.
19. How do conflicts move through competitive and collaborative phases?
20. Reproduce from memory the collaborative checklist.

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UNIT
6
Third Parties, Mending, and Prevention
Quoted or closely adapted from
Wilmot & Hocker (2007).
1. Explain the statement, "The goal of all intervention is to transform
the conflict elements." Choose an example to illustrate the idea.
2. What are the effects of siding with one of the conflict parties?
3. What are cautions to remember when you are considering being a
third-party helper?
4. What are the interpersonal advantages and disadvantages of
adjudication?
5. Explain how negotiation functions in the forms of third-party
intervention.
6. What are some principles of dispute system design?
7. Discuss some definitions of forgiveness. What are key components
of forgiveness?
8. What are differences between forgiveness and reconciliation?
9. What is the problem with the phrase "forgive and forget?"
10. Compare and contrast the ideas of "forgiveness as decision" and
"forgiveness as process," giving your own opinions based on the ideas presented.
11. In what ways is forgiveness both intrapersonal and interpersonal?
12. How do gestures function to lay the groundwork for further change?
13. What makes apologies ineffective or inappropriate?
14. What makes self-forgiveness so difficult?
15. Why is conflict prevention important?
16. What are some core values that lead to prevention of conflict? Discuss those most important to you.
17. How can avoidance spirals be prevented?
18. What can you do if you habitually avoid becoming more effective
in conflict?
19. How can escalation spirals be de-escalated or prevented?
20. Reproduce the major steps of an expanded problem-solving sequence.
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UNIT 7 and 8
Leadership Examples: What the Best CEOs Know
Quoted
or closely adapted from
Krames
(2003).
1. Give an example of something that you think
demonstrates leadership by Michael Dell (founder and CEO, Dell
Computer).
2. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Jack Welch (former CEO, GE).
3. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Lou Gerstner (former CEO, IBM).
4. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Andy Grove (cofounder and former CEO, Intel).
5. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Bill Gates (cofounder and former CEO, Microsoft).
6. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Herb Kelleher (founder and former CEO, Southwest Airlines).
7. Give an example of something that you think demonstrates leadership
by
Sam Walton (founder and former CEO, Wal-mart).
8. Explain the idea of the "evangelical leadership gene."
9. Give an example of articulating a vision.
10. Give an example of organizational culture you have experienced.
11. Define and give an example of authentic cultural change requires years.
12. Why might it be important to get as many people as possible inside
the company involved in satisfying customers.
13. Respond to this statement: "Change is continual. Paradox is a
way of life."
14. Why is it crucial to "Finalize your vision before you
implement any sweeping new plan."
15. How and why develop an outsider's perspective?
16. Explain this idea: "Complacency is the worst possible
mind-set. It is much better to be fearful, skeptical, sharp-edged, on
their toes."
17. Respond to this idea: "Gates leads by example, inviting anyone
in the organization to send him an email at any time. Bad news must travel
fast."
18. Why use ad hoc groups to solve problems.
19. Respond to this idea: "Be firm, have fun, enjoy people,
tolerate mistakes, take risks, and share sacrifices."
20. Why hire for attitude, not necessarily
experience?


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Discussion (Discuss/Post online or Class Participation
face-to-face) For full credit on a given week/unit, you need to post the following (1) pre-reading activity is about your previous learning or experience prior to reading (due by Wednesday), (2) post-reading knowledge question that demonstrate your knowledge of conflict research and theory based on the textbook information (due by Friday), (3) response to reading a peer-reviewed journal article is pretty open--either from the list or from your own research--but be sure to cite the source of your information, (4) an application learning activity is designed to help you apply what you've learned that week (due by Sunday), (5) interaction with other people in the course are words of response and encouragement to other people in the course, (6) media discussion about documentary films about conflict, leaders, and leadership (face-to-face only). Remember, the Discuss/Post Assignments are due each week, and the option will close Monday after the Sunday due date.
Weekly Assignments need to be written in Discuss/Post online due each week. Based on research findings, I believe that completing these assignments in steps over time will increase the quality of your learning. Each week's Discuss/Post access will close after Sunday, so the assignment must be completed on time.a. Pre-reading assignment due by Wednesday so you start thinking about the content you will study this week: Simply give your perception out of your head before you start reading. Research suggests that people learn better if they make an effort to think about what they already know about a topic before they learn more.b. Knowledge question due Friday. You will be assigned a question number, which you will use each week. After you read the chapter, answer your assigned question. The variety helps people
c.
Scholarly journal article discussion due Friday.
Give your insights after you review at a suggested article or a relevant
one you found while doing research for your Core Assessment Project. The
article needs to be peer-reviewed, communication, journal article. 4.
application assignment
due Sunday. You can find articles in
Communication and Mass Media Complete through EBSCO
https://pegleg.park.edu/login?url=http://search.epnet.com/login.asp
or download one pre-selected
http://ourwayit.com/CA680/Private/
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Media Discussion |
Online students will want to look for conflict examples from current events, films, television program, and other sources. Use those example to bring alive the conflict principles you are studying.
Each onground (face-to-face) student will show a documentary or feature film segment in class. You will be responsible for conducting class discussion as part of a one hour presentation each week. Students can work together, but if two students work together, they will need to show two film segments and lead two discussions (perhaps on different weeks). Many of these films can be checked out for weeks from a Midcontent or other local library. You may find VHS easier to cue up than DVD.
You will want to ask these types of questions after viewing the segment:
How does our evolving definition of conflict management fit this person and context?
How do you think this leader will handle conflict?
Speculate on this leader's communication style, leadership qualities, and conflict management ability?
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2. Use correct writing style. |
Because this communication course, you will want to communicate effectively online. Online abbreviations--such as LOL--can be confusing, difficult for international students, and may create feelings of exclusion toward people in the class who have no experience with online discussion jargon. Some degree of language formality, precision, and politeness will enhance your online communication. You will want to proof-read your postings for correct spelling, grammar, capitalization, punctuation, and style to improve your clarity.
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3. Focus on research-based information, not personal opinion. |
Most communication courses focus on communication competence based on US scientific research. You will want to clearly identify opinion as merely one point of view. Better yet, you may want to answer an assigned discussion prompt or write a summary of some concept from the reading that you like and translate that information into application in your life. You will want to tell personal stories, but always ground the postings in research-based principles.
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4. Make general comments appropriate for the whole class. |
Comments directed toward individual students may be fine, but avoid one-to-one personal interactions because other students may read your postings. Use complete sentences. Realize that students often read unread messages only, in which case cryptic individual responses will make no sense.
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6. Use the subject line to indicate your content. Make general comments appropriate for the whole class. |
Sometimes students feel overwhelmed by the number of postings in the discussion board. You can help others by giving specific information in your subject line so they can better focus on reading what they want or need to read.
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EXAMPLE PARTICIPATION, MINOR ASSIGNMENTS, AND DISCUSSION
RUBRIC |
Competence mastery may be demonstrated through one or more of the following examples. |
Unit 1 |
Unit 2 |
Unit 3 |
Unit 4 |
Unit 5 |
Unit 6 |
Unit 7 |
Unit 8 |
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Demonstrate Cognitive Skills |
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Demonstrate Technical and Professional Skills |
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Demonstrated Professional Disposition |
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Demonstrated Leadership Skills |
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Total Score |
Wk 1 |
Wk 2 |
Wk 3 |
Wk 4 |
Wk 5 |
Wk 6 |
Wk 7 |
Wk 8 Total: |
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Choice Analysis Paper Begin this assignment immediately!
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For
Dr. Aitken's classes, for example, a student can select any one of the
choices. If you have a different teacher, our professor may assign
one of the following or give students a choice of assignments to
complete. Typically, one assignment will count for 10% of your final
grade. Provide a well-developed and supported essay. Your professor may
give a length requirement. Regardless of which choice assignment you
select, include an analytical summary, which reflects on your learning
about communication and conflict. Be sure to relate your perceptions to
course content about conflict. Cite the sources of information,
and if appropriate, include a complete APA reference list.
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Option 1: Brief Analysis Paper: Relationship Check-Up (3-5 pages) |
Overview
The purposes of this paper are (1) to help you better understand the
communication and conflict concepts discussed in the text and (2) to enhance one
of your interpersonal relationships.
Process
1. Choose a significant ongoing relationship in your life.
2. Sit down with the other person when you both have some time and space, and
ask her or him the questions below.
3. Then have your partner ask you the same questions.
Appreciations: What do you appreciate about me most? What do you
appreciate about our relationship?
Updates: What new information do you have for me that I need to know about?
Wishes/Hopes/Dreams: What are your wishes? Hopes? Dreams? How have they changed
(or stayed the same)?
Conflict: What important issues do we need to work on? What do you
like/dislike about the way we manage conflict with one another?
Forgiveness: What would you like forgiveness for? Will you forgive me for
_____?
Requests for Change: What would like for me to change? What behaviors do you
wish I would do more? Less?
Catch-All: Is there anything else you'd like to talk about with me?
4. After completing the activity, reflect on what you learned.
5. Review the material in Chapter 7 for “Moderating Your Conflicts.” Identify
specific strategies and steps you and the other person will take to improve your
relationship. Keep in mind you may use this tool to help improve any
relationship.
6. Write a paper in which you:
a. Describe the relationship you have with the other person.
b. Summarize your answers and the other person’s answers to the questions above.
c. Reflect on what you learned about this specific relationship and relationship
enhancement in general.
d. Demonstrate your understanding of relevant conflict concepts.
e. Incorporate terminology from the text and class.
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Option 2: Book Review |
Your professor may require a particular book or give you a choice from the list below. Focus on reading and thinking about the book, then write a brief evaluative review. There's much latitude about what you can write. You may want to describe several key principles. You may want to connect the principles--positively or negatively--to at least one research-based theory from the Wilmot & Hocker text or your reading of research journal articles. You may want to give an example of what you will apply from the book the next time you are involved in a conflict.
No Contest, by Alfie Kohn.
Moral Conflict, by Pearce and Littlejohn.
Getting To Yes, Fisher and Ury’s.
Harvard Business Review on Negotiation and
Conflict Resolution
by Harvard Business School Press.
How to Manage Conflict: Turn All Conflicts
into Win-Win Outcomes,
by Peg Pickering.
The Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution,by Dudley Weeks.
Coward's Guide to Conflict: Empowering Solutions for Those Who Would Rather Run Than Fight,by Tim Ursiny.
The Strategy of Conflict,by Thomas C. Schelling.
Conflict Resolution,by Daniel Dana.
The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution: A Practitioner's Guide,
by Bernard Mayer.
The Magic of Conflict : Turning a Life of Work
into a Work of Art,
by Thomas F. Crum.
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Option 3: My Styles |
Overview: Write a paper reflecting on your
answers and applying principles from course materials to the analysis and
solution of a conflict. Think of two different contexts (A and B) where you have
a conflict, disagreement, argument, or disappointment with someone. An example
might be a work associate and someone you live with. Then, according to the
following scale, fill in your scores for situation A and situation B. For each
question, you will have two scores. For example, on question one the scoring
might look like this:
1. 2 | 4
Person A___________________ Person B__________________
1 = Never 2 = Seldom 3 = Sometimes 4 = Often 5 = Always
Person | Person
A | B
1.__|__ I avoid being put on the spot; I keep conflicts to myself.
2.__|__ I use my influence to get my ideas accepted.
3.__|__ I usually try to split the difference in order to resolve an issue.
4.__|__ I generally try to satisfy the other’s needs.
5.__|__ I try to investigate an issue to find a solution acceptable to us.
6.__|__ I usually avoid open discussion of my differences with the other.
7.__|__ I use my authority to make a decision in my favor.
8.__|__ I try to find a middle course to resolve an impasse.
9.__|__ I usually accommodate to the other’s wishes.
10.__|__ I try to integrate my ideas with the other’s to come up with a decision
jointly.
11.__|__ I try to stay away from disagreement with the other.
12.__|__ I use my expertise to make a decision that favors me.
13.__|__ I propose a middle ground for breaking deadlocks.
14.__|__ I give in to the other’s wishes.
15.__|__ I try to work with the other to find solutions which satisfy both our
expectations.
16.__|__ I try to keep my disagreement to myself in order to avoid hard
feelings.
17.__|__ I generally pursue my side of an issue.
18.__|__ I negotiate with the other to reach a compromise.
19.__|__ I often go with the other’s suggestions.
20.__|__ I exchange accurate information with the other so we can solve a
problem together.
21.__|__ I try to avoid unpleasant exchanges with the other.
22.__|__ I sometimes use my power to win.
23.__|__ I use give and take so that a compromise can be made.
24.__|__ I try to satisfy the other’s expectations.
25.__|__ I try to bring all our concerns out in the open so that the issues can
be resolved.
Scoring: Add up your scores on the following questions.
A / B A / B A / B A / B A / B
1. ___/___ 2. ___/__ 3. ___/___ 4. ___/___ 5. ___/___
6. ___/___ 7. ___/___ 8. ___/___ 9. ___/___ 10.___/___
11.___/__ 12.___/___ 13.___/___ 14.___/___ 15.___/___
16.___/___ 17.___/___ 18.___/___ 19.___/__ 20.___/___
21.___/___ 22.___/___ 23.___/___ 24.___/___ 25.___/___
___/___ ___/___ ___/___ ___/___ ___/__
Avoidance Competition Compromise Accommodation Collaboration
Totals Totals Totals Totals Totals
Totals Totals
Others’ Styles
Now you are going to score the other people’s styles. On the first page, you had
person A and person B.
According to the following scale, fill in your scores for how person A and
Person B acted.
1 = Never 2 = Seldom 3 = Sometimes 4 = Often 5 = Always
Person | Person
A | B
1.__|__ He or she avoided being put on the spot; He or she kept conflicts to
himself or herself.
2.__|__ He or she used his or her influence to get ideas accepted.
3.__|__ He or she usually tried to split the difference in order to resolve an
issue.
4.__|__ He or she generally tried to satisfy my needs.
5.__|__ He or she tried to investigate an issue to find a solution acceptable to
us.
6.__|__ He or she usually avoided open discussion of differences with me.
7.__|__ He or she used their authority to make a decision in his or her favor.
8.__|__ He or she tried to find a middle course to resolve an impasse.
9.__|__ He or she usually accommodated to my wishes.
10.__|__ He or she tried to integrate their ideas with mine to come up with a
decision jointly.
11.__|__ He or she tried to stay away from disagreement with me.
12.__|__ He or she used his or her expertise to make a decision that favors him
or her.
13.__|__ He or she proposed a middle ground for breaking deadlocks.
14.__|__ He or she gave in to my wishes.
15.__|__ He or she tried to work with me to find solutions which satisfy both
our expectations.
16.__|__ He or she kept the disagreement to himself or herself in order to avoid
hard feelings.
17.__|__ He or she generally pursued his or her side of an issue.
18.__|__ He or she negotiated with me to reach a compromise.
19.__|__ He or she often goes with my suggestions.
20.__|__ He or she exchanged accurate information with me so we can solve a
problem together.
21.__|__ He or she tried to avoid unpleasant exchanges with me.
22.__|__ He or she sometimes used his or her power to win.
23.__|__ He or she used give and take so that a compromise can be made.
24.__|__ He or she tried to satisfy my expectations.
25.__|__ He or she tried to bring all our concerns out in the open so that the
issues can be resolved.
Scoring: Add up your scores on the following questions.
A / B A / B A / B A / B A / B
1. ___/___ 2. ___/__ 3. ___/___ 4. ___/___ 5. ___/___
6. ___/___ 7. ___/___ 8. ___/___ 9. ___/___ 10.___/___
11.___/__ 12.___/___ 13.___/___ 14.___/___ 15.___/___
16.___/___ 17.___/___ 18.___/___ 19.___/__ 20.___/___
21.___/___ 22.___/___ 23.___/___ 24.___/___ 25.___/___
___/___ ___/___ ___/___ ___/___ ___/__
Avoidance Competition Compromise Accommodation Collaboration
Totals Totals Totals Totals Totals
Totals Totals Totals Totals
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Option 4: Conflict Analysis |
Overview
The purpose of this paper is for you to analyze a specific conflict you have
had or continue to have with a specific person. Your relationship to this person
may be ongoing or in the past. You must incorporate course concepts and
terminology from the text in your analysis and self-reflection. You do not have
to answer every question, but discuss each element.
Process
Before writing: Section I of this assignment sheet includes questions for
you to think about before writing your essay.
Writing the paper: Sections II –VIII of this assignment sheet include questions
for you to consider as you write about the nature of your conflict, the role of
power, individual styles, assessment, personal intervention, prevention, and
possible solutions to your conflict. You may not need to answer every question
in each section. Write your analysis in paragraph form, not as short answers to
each question. The questions are to help you frame your analysis.
After writing the first draft: Ask a classmate, friend, instructor, or some
other third party to review your essay. Ask for suggestions about how to improve
the paper or ways you might better manage the conflict.
Submitting the final draft: After gathering feedback from the third party, write
your final draft. Be sure to include an introduction that previews the content
of your paper and a conclusion that summarizes the major concepts and describes
what you have learned from writing this paper.
I. Warm-Up Questions
Please give a brief description on your relationship with the other party.
Where and how did you two meet? How long have you known each other?
What is the current nature of your relationship?
Do or did you live together? How long?
Did anyone else live with you?
How would you describe your overall relationship?
How would you describe your relationship now, compared to when you first met?
II. Nature of the Conflict
When did the conflict start? What caused it? Was it a series of events or
one event?
When did the conflict originate? Why did it occur?
Use a metaphor to describe your conflict.
Has the nature of this conflict changed over time? If so, how?
How do you feel about the conflict?
How do you think the other person feels about the conflict?
How does the other person feel about how you feel about conflict?
How do you think the other person feels about you?
What would you like to see come from this conflict?
How would you like to see it resolved? What are your goals?
What do you think the other person thinks your goals are?
Do you interfere (current or past) with what you think the other person's goals
are? If so, how?
Does the other person interfere (current or past) with your goals? If so, how?
Has the other done so in the past?
Does the other realize you are interfering with his or her goals?
Have you noticed your goals changing since the beginning of the conflict?
Do you feel the other person’s goals changed since the beginning of the
conflict?
What do you think the other person thinks your goals are?
Are there others who have become involved in your conflict? Do others feel they
need to take sides in this dispute? How did they influence your decisions and
behaviors?
Has this conflict become destructive? Does it waver between constructive and
destructive or does follow one type exclusively? Has it always been this way?
III. Power
How much power do you feel you have?
How much power does the other person have?
Do you think the other person has more power than you? Why or why not?
How do you feel the other person views your power?
How do you think your power affects the conflict?
How do you think the other person’s power affects the relationship?
What qualities do you feel you have that the other values?
What qualities do you value about the other person?
Has this conflict considerably altered your daily life with the other? If so,
how?
Do you think that the other will agree with you regarding who has the power?
What do you depend on from the other person?
What does the other person depend on you for?
Does the other person ever feel threatened by you? Do you think you threaten the
other person?
Who do you think has more power?
Who does the other person think has more power?
IV. Styles
What specific choices do you make in the conflict?
What individual conflict styles do you use?
a) Avoidance—minimize open discussion of the conflict
b) Competition—one person wins, the other person loses
c) Compromise—you and the other person give something up in order to reach an
agreement
d) Collaboration—working together to find solutions that benefit both parties
e) Accommodation—avoid asserting one’s own needs and preferring to cooperate
Does your style vary with the situation? Why? How?
What is the other’s style of conflict?
a) Avoidance—minimize open discussion of the conflict
b) Competition—one person wins, the other person loses
c) Compromise—you and the other person give something up in order to reach an
agreement
d) Collaboration—working together to find solutions that benefit both parties
e) Accommodation—avoid asserting one’s own needs and preferring to cooperate
Does the other’s style vary? Why? How?
What tactics does the other person use?
What do you or the other person do to keep the conflict going?
Do you or the other person suggest solutions? If so, what are they? Are the
solutions followed through with? How? Why or why not?
What nonverbal behavior do you notice in the other during a conflict?
If you do notice a behavior change, does that influence your conflict style?
Do you preplan your choices of words and actions during a conflict, or are you
more spontaneous?
Do you feel the other person preplans their word or actions?
Do you or your partner ever start conflicts deliberately? How and why?
How will you handle the conflict if it is not resolved?
Is there anything that you'd like to say or do but haven't? Why or why not?
V. Assessment
Is the conflict repetitive? If so, how? How much time has been spent trying
to solve the conflict?
Did you think that the conflict could be changed?
What would you like to see happen?
Did you try to change your behavior in any way? Who or what influenced this?
Did the other person change his or her behavior? Who or what influenced this?
Why do you think this happened?
Do your conflicts ever carry over into other aspects of your life? In what ways?
Does this dispute carry over into other aspects of the other person’s life?
Are other members of your household ever drawn into your conflicts? How? How do
they feel about this?
Has there ever been a conflict that has not been resolved in the earlier stages
of the relationship? Why not? What was its impact?
What differences have you noticed in the other person since your conflict?
What differences in yourself have you noticed since your conflict began?
How would you like to see your conflict resolved? Do you think it will be
resolved this way?
What do you think will happen to the relationship in the future?
VI. Personal Intervention
How do you express your anger?
How does the other person express their anger?
How could you manage your anger better? (i.e. alternatives)
How could the other person manage anger better?
What other changes, if any, would you like to make in your behavior? What would
you like to change about the other?
Do you feel comfortable saying how you really feel? Do you share your true
feelings? What about the other person?
VII. Solutions
How might the situation have been handled better?
Have attempted solutions become part of the problem? How? Why or why not?
Can you think of any solutions that have not been tried? Would you like to try
any of these? What additional resources might you need?
What do you think will be the long-term relationship between you and the other
person?
Do you believe there is something you could do to resolve this? What is it? How
would you go about it? Would it make you happy to do this?
Do you believe that there is a way you could compromise? Collaborate? What would
you perceive to be a win-win situation?
In what ways do you attempt to control and alleviate this conflict?
In what ways does the other attempt to control and alleviate this conflict?
Are you satisfied with the current outcome or do you wish a better solution
could be found?
VIII. Prevention
Do you think this conflict could have been prevented? If so, how?
How might future conflicts be prevented?
Would a third party be helpful or has a third party been helpful?
Chapter 11 discusses “learning from my history.” What have you learned from your
history with this conflict?
What relationship and identity issues do you have in this conflict? Are they
similar to issues you have in other conflicts? How might you address these?
What communication skills might help you better manage conflict in the future?
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Option 5: Comparative Analysis |
Rationale
The purpose of this paper is to provide you with the opportunity to
demonstrate your understanding of significant concepts of conflict management
and how they are similar to or different from other approaches to conflict. You
may choose to compare and contrast Wilmot and Hocker’s views with one of three
identified texts. This analytic exercise will help you understand the
relationship between various theoretical perspectives on conflict and encourage
you to adopt and adapt those that make the most sense to you and your life.
Description
You are to read at least one of three supplemental texts in order to complete
this assignment. Texts include: Alfie Kohn’s No Contest; Pearce and
Littlejohn’s Moral Conflict; and Fisher and Ury’s Getting To Yes.
Your paper should be structured around three major moves. You are to identify
and describe a common theme or issue raised in both texts, explain the
similarities and differences of the theoretical and practical approaches to that
theme or issue, and articulate which perspective is most relevant or useful to
you personally. Be sure to cite specific supporting materials from each text as
you develop your arguments.
Your paper will be subject to peer review so be sure that you have a completed
draft by the date of exchange. You will receive credit toward your participation
grade in the course for your careful review and insightful feedback of your
peer’s work. You are to turn in your peer’s feedback form and your initial draft
with the final draft of your paper.
Assessment
This paper is worth 10% of your final grade. The paper should be typed and
proofread. Assertions and claims should be appropriately supported and cited.
You will want to include an appropriate introduction or overview, effective
transitions, and a complete conclusion. Your essay should give a balanced
perspective of all three moves. The order in which you develop you essay is up
to you. Remember, however, that you will need to provide your reader a rationale
for the structure of the paper as well as the content. Essays turned in without
the required supporting materials and citations will not receive full credit for
this assignment.
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PROFESSOR'S CHOICE ASSIGNMENT |
Check if competency met: 2 points each. |
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Completed an assignment from the choice list according to assignment requirements listed. |
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Included a one page written summary of the assignment. |
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Showed analysis and application of learning about research-based principles about conflict.. |
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Used clear writing style, |
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Cited and referenced textbook in APA style. Used APA parenthetical citations and APA reference list if any additional sources were paraphrased or quoted. |
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Total /10 points (10%) |
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COURSE GOAL: To acquire the knowledge, skills, and values
needed to effectively assess and manage conflict.
CORE ASSESSMENT
PROJECT
NO
CONFIDENTIALITY
TEXTBOOK
Describe the situation and the people involved.
Checklist for included content:
__
Approached the conflict situation as a communication scholar by using
and summarizing the
Conflict Assessment Guide (chapter 6). __ Cited and referenced textbook: Wilmot, W. W., & Hocker, J. L. (2007). Interpersonal conflict. (7th ed.) New York: McGraw-Hill.
__
Assessed the conflict by using research-based theory and measures to
analytically examine conflicts and possible approaches to conflict.
Checklist for included
content: __ Integrated article informaiton into your reflection.__ Included i nformation from your this source (if relevant):Krames, J. A. (2003). What the best CEOs know: 7 exceptional leaders and their lessons for transforming any business. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Checklist for included content: The assignment up to this point must be submitted by week 6. Then add the implementation and reflection parts below and resubmit the entire project by Friday of week 8.
Checklist for included content: __ Demonstrated skills for moderating
and negotiating this conflict for mutual gains.
Checklist for included content: __ Demonstrated mastery of defining and explaining the nature of conflict.
__
Identified personal and other perspectives on
conflict.
What should your paper look like? Please clarify your organizational pattern by using three levels of headings or titles inside your assignment according to APA style. By using headings, the reader will immediately know the essence of the writing in each section. Even a very short written people is clarified by the use of headings. See http://owl.english.purdue.edu/workshops/hypertext/apa/parts/headings.html Here is an example template with headings:
How will your paper be graded?
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ADDITIONAL COURSE PLANNING DOCUMENTS BELOW
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Start Here
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Welcome, you've found the right place to begin.This course is designed to help you effectively assess and manage conflict. The emphasis is on working through interpersonal conflict in both professional and personal relational contexts. You will learn new strategies for problem-solving in organizations.
NAVIGATE
General tools functions and the gradebook tabs are across the top.
"Author" and "Course Admin" are for
instructors only, so you probably will not see those.
Course content and discussion buttons are in the left column. The content for each week or unit is accessible. Double click on the button to expand the view to see the sub-links. In most courses, the content is revealed on the Monday of the appropriate week. Notice the arrow to the left of each button. Click on the arrow to see the content relevant to each button.
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Course Access in eCollege
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ACCESS TO COURSE Some students have never used eCollege before, and may want to use this tutorial: For technical assistance with the online classroom, email eCollegeHelpDesk@parkonline.org or call the helpdesk at 866-301-PARK (7275). To see the technical requirements for online courses, please visit the http://parkonline.org website: click on the "Technical Requirements" link, and click on "BROWSER Test" to see if your system is ready. Assignments by Week (Tentative Schedule)--See handout in face-to-face format or eCollege "Course Home" for online format.
Course visuals from Microsoft Office, http://www.allposters.com/, or as indicated. Posters are available for purchase through their source. |
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INTRODUCTIONS |
Course Developer: Dr. Joan Aitken. My task is to set the educational framework for the course and facilitate your learning. I've conducted research, writing, and teaching in communication arts for 30 years. I've been on the faculty of the University of Missouri, the University of Louisiana, and the University of Arkansas. I joined the Park University faculty in 2005 and am excited about participating in the graduate program in communication and leadership. On a personal side, My life partner is an IT guy, which sure makes life easier for an online teacher. (grin) My son studies engineering at the Missouri University of Science and Technology in Rolla. My veterinarian daughter is a doing a zoo vet residency at the University of Florida and previously worked in China on Giant Panda reproduction. Here is my son visiting with my daughter in China, sitting on the Great Wall.
Welcome to the Conflict Management! |
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Effective Online Learning |
1.
Try to pace yourself throughout the course. Don’t get behind. At the beginning
of each week take note of when assignments are due so you can plan when you will
complete each one. |
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Final Exam Study Guide |
accommodation accusation action categories (e.g., one-way directives or requests) adjudication to manage conflicts advantages and disadvantages of conflict styles. advice aggressive family Andy Grove (cofounder and former CEO, Intel) Anger-Fear Cycle apology arbitration assertive communication and power assessing a conflict Attribution theory avoidance avoidant family basic principles of relational interests and goals beneficial conflict Bill Gates (cofounder and former CEO, Microsoft) blaming or labeling bridging bringing problems to the table Carl Rogers - congruence chain reactions. changing yourself. characteristic of forgiveness Chinese character for crisis or conflict coalition principle collaboration collaborative approach to conflict collaborative bargaining collaborative conflict management Collaborative family collaborative negotiation collaborative stance versus competitive stance Collectivist theory Comb’s four stages of the conflict cycle commonly-held negative view of conflict compare and contrast individual conflict styles and system styles of conflict compassion competition competition, threats, and verbal aggression competitive bargainers competitive power complaint versus request complementary and symmetrical patterns of conflict compromise conciliation conflict as metaphor (e.g, conflict is a tide). conflict benefits for interpersonal relationships conflict can be both a curse and a blessing Conflict can be understood as a dance. Conflict is a mess. Conflict is a war. Conflict is an act of nature. conflict patterns that tend to mirror one another conflict spectrum conflict styles identified by Kilmann and Thomas conflict styles and tactics contexts that might damage face cultural assumptions of negotiation cultural forms of dispute management cultures and cultural norms that favor competition, low- or non-expressiveness, and communication Define and explain the nature of conflict. denying using power depression Describe a conflict situation and explain your personal perspective and a possible perspective of another person in the conflict who sees the situation differently. Describe a real or hypothetical conflict situation. Clearly identify the sources and influences of power and explain ways of increasing and balancing power. Describe a specific conflict situation, including the significant interests and goals relevant to conflict and influence of those interests and goals. Describe and provide an example of the relationship between identity goals and face-saving. Describe multiple conflict styles, including your conflict style at the beginning of the course and the conflict style that is your goal. Give examples, advantages and disadvantages of these conflict styles and tactics. Describe the different kinds of goals relevant to conflict, and then using a conflict of your choosing, explain the ways in which each is relevant to your understanding of that conflict. desire destructive conflict. Difficult Conversations Guide domination drivers of disputes emotion and conflict are intertwined emotional intelligence empowerment engagement escalatory spiral. evaluation expertise Explain third-party intervention strategies, procedures of effectively mending conflicts, and applying principles of forgiveness, reconciliation, and prevention of destructive conflict. expressed struggle expressing struggle in a conflict without doing so verbally face-saving strategies (e.g., Claiming unjust intimidation) facework facilitation Fisher and Ury’s four principles five features that contribute to destructive conflicts five kinds of analytic remarks you might use in the process of engaging in collaborative tactics five stages of the mediation process forbearance forgiveness decision fundamental concept in conflict is power gender differences in conflict gendered views of forgiveness goals in conflict interaction represent (e.g., prospective, process) Herb Kelleher (founder and former CEO, Southwest Airlines) high and low context cultures perspective on conflict how goals in a conflict can change over time Identify your personal conflict styles and tactics. Describe a hypothetical or real conflict situation and describe new skills you have acquired for managing the conflict. identity Illustrate through example leadership strategies used by successful CEO's and how those strategies might affect conflict management incompatible goals informal intervention interdependence interference from the other in achieving goals interpersonal conflict definition interpersonal linkages intervention helps to transform conflicts Jack Welch (former CEO, GE) Kaplan-Leiserson: collaborate and communicate kindness Lens Model of Conflict litigation Lou Gerstner (former CEO, IBM) low-power position strategies Mace identified four guidelines for responsible expression of anger mediation mediation agreement or transformation metacommunication used to balance power Michael Dell (founder and CEO, Dell Computer) microevent Moore’s continuum of conflict management and resolution approaches mutual stake in the resolution negative sanction negotiation negotiation that is transformational not distancing or avoiding orientation to the conflict over-power tactics passive family passive-aggressive behavior passive-congenial relationship perception of interference permissive family potential benefits and drawbacks of coalition formation potential for productive conflict power currencies power is relational prevent destructive avoidance prevent destructive escalation of a conflict prevention of conflict Principled Negotiation principles of non-violence relevant in a personal conflict problem solving problematic or ineffective apologies rationale for types of intervention reasons for conflict avoidance reconciliation reframing reframing angry statements relationship and Identity relationship between dialogue and everyday conversation relationship goals resource control respect responsibility retrospective goals revenge Sam Walton (founder and former CEO, Wal-mart) scarce resources shift a negative interaction in a positive direction once the participants are out of crisis. six different conflict metaphors Six principles of the Systems Theory Social Learning Theory spirals that occur in ongoing conflicts stages in the forgiveness process steps Layton uses to describe the forgiveness process steps to receive angry communication productively Synthesize research-based principles of effective assessment and management of conflict through identification and application. system “rules” Systems Theory The Lens Model of Conflict third-party intervention threat transactive goals Transformative Theory triggering event TRIP goals Using a real or hypothetical conflict situation, assess conflicts by using research-based theory and measures to analytically examine conflicts and possible approaches to conflict. Using a real or hypothetical conflict situation, describe behavioral skills for moderating and negotiating conflicts for mutual gains verbal aggression verbal and/or physical abuse management victimization Wilmot/Hocker Assessment Guide. win-lose orientation withdrawal XYZ skill you have choices about how you feel in a conflict. |
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Put a Link to Each of These Under Home APA Writing Style http://ourwayit.com/APA.html eCollege Tutorial http://ourwayit.com/eCollege/ IRB Tutorial http://ourwayit.com/IRB/ Library Tutorial http://ourwayit.com/LibraryTutorial/ MA Project Ideas http://ourwayit.com/CA700/ Program Goals http://www.park.edu/grad/masters-cl-goals.aspx |
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Students should expect this information to change and be updated while the course is in progress. Each professor is free to design the course in his or her own way, so be sure you know your individual professor's requirements. Please do NOT expect the course materials in eCollege to be updated until the first week of class because they are created and copied far in advance. You will want to communicate with your professor the first day about textbook, assignments, and expectations for your course.
This document does not constitute a contract.
Photos from Microsoft Office for use only in course presentation materials for enrolled students.
Copyright This site is a private site without authorization from any institution, company, or organization. This material is provided only for the use of students who are currently enrolled at Park University. Instructional materials quoted or adapted directly come from the course textbook and are protected by the publisher’s copyright. Articles are copyrighted by EBSCO. Other materials are copyrighted by Joan E. Aitken or Park University, 2006-2007. © All rights reserved. Page reference: Aitken, J. E. (2008). Conflict management. Kansas City, MO: ourwayit.com. Retrieved month day, year, from http://ourwayit.com/CA680/ Instructional materials reference:Wilmot, W. W., & Hocker, J. L. (2007). Interpersonal conflict. (7th ed.) New York: McGraw-Hill. |
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